Seeing Double

God has heard our prayers and have answered them!  We are having a baby.  To get the latest updates on everything going on visit our new site at My Woman Problems.  Thanks for the love and support!

Sara

NEW BLOG SITE

For those that follow our blog has moved to Word Press.  Please go to saraeratliff.wordpress.com to stay up to date.  There is an update already posted from earlier today.

Thanks for the support,
Sara

Hope and Faith RESTORED

The last week and a half is a time I will never and I mean NEVER FORGET!  My Navy RE ordered a HSG for me to confirm the tubal blockage.  Last month I was supposed to get it done but I ended up with a bad sinus infection and had to cancel  I am highly allergic to the dye used during the test.

Anyways. I started praying 2 weeks ago that my period would start early by the 22nd so I could schedule the test in a timely manner I knew someone could take me.  Well, needless to say my prayers were answered on the 22nd and my period was there.  I called and scheduled my appointment.  Then I prayed that I would hear something from my husband by the end of the work week.  Sure enough on the 24th I woke up to a email from him.  I know what some of you may be thinking but when you haven't heard from your husband at all in 6.5 weeks an email is like Christmas Day. 

Back track for a moment.... On June 4th of this year the Navy RE did the wrong test saying it would show if my tube was open.  She said it wasn't open and that we needed IVF all over again.  Our hearts were crushed yet again.  Come to find out she didn't do the right test so I demanded the HSG to be done.  After some fight it was ordered.

Back on track now...  I've been praying since I scheduled my HSG that God would show His will and His plan by the results.  I prayed that no matter what I wouldn't be angry with God or anyone else.  I kept telling myself along with John that we can get through this no matter what happened today.  Why couldn't we get through this?  We have already been through so much already so this wasn't going to be any different but maybe just a little harder.  Well today came.

 My test was delayed because that lovely Navy RE put in my chart not to do the HSG and then days later ordered one.  Due to my allergy they could not move forward even with me doing my protocol medications until the Radiologist spoke to the RE.  After an hour and a half of waiting the RE didn't give a forward answer.  So I signed a waiver stating I knew the risk and blah blah blah.  I know the risk obviously and we needed to know what this test would show so we did it.

Well, hello there mean looking torture table.

 I will be placing my 4/10/13 and today's HSG photos together for comparison.  I labeled the photos so you know what you're looking at.  Don't worry they are x-ray photos so no photos of the business end.

 

  

That's right my RIGHT TUBE IS 100% OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Due to the position I was in you can't see the middle of the left tube but it is also open to the sewn portion.  Remember I don't have a left ovary so that is no biggie at all.  Now with this we may require some medications to help us.  My periods have become very irregular, I have poor ovulation, my Progesterone levels don't stay high enough to get/stay pregnant, my egg shells are very thick so they may not be able to be fertilized and or hatch to implant, my thyroid antibodies are still high which a civilian RE started me on medications for, my insulin levels are elevated, and John needs some more test.  We still have stuff to work on but this is such a BLESSING.  

I was able to talk to John today and we are both shocked and so thankful.  God has blessed us yet again.  Our Hope and Faith have been restored and I think God is going to bless us with a baby in His time.  We can only hope and pray that is soon but if not that is okay.  

***For those that participated in our recent 31 Party or donated to our fertility fund thank you.  With this new news the money will go to the out of pocket cost for the medications and other expenses that we have to pay for from doctor appointments to labs.  My new doctor doesn't take Tricare and many REs around don't sadly.  

For those reading this that are also suffering by the disease of Infertility or any other trail  PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP!  Miracles happen every day and today may just be your day. 

With love from Sara and John

Thank you for reading and until next time.............. "May the odds be ever in our favor!"

Back At Square ONE!

Sorry it has been a while since my last post.  A lot has been going on since then fertility and non fertility related.  So hold on tight because it's a joyous, heartbreaking, and bumpy post ahead........

First, John and I FINALLY moved from CT back to VA!  Praise The Lord.. No seriously it is a blessing to be out of there and back to familiar southern land.  We were sad to leave our friends and pretty scenery and that's about it. 

Second, John's job sent a way.  I can't wait to hug and kiss him especially after everything that has happened since he left. 

On June 3rd it was our two year wedding anniversary :)

Us right after we said " I DO" on 6/3/12

Anyways.... Who really thinks when they grow up they will actually have a problem doing something so natural like getting pregnant?  We didn't that's for sure.  I figured a nice dinner, some wine, have some romantic candles and music, jump into bed, and BAM two weeks later a positive pregnancy test.

Well as y'all know that isn't what happened, still hasn't happened and after a new test may never happen for us.  Yeah, yeah I know don't be so negative but I have to face reality. 

One thing that we have found out is that I am not the only one that has some issues.  John has a significant amount of round cells in his semen.  What's round cells you ask?  They are just that round cells.  They can be WBCs or immature sperm.  This is from prostate inflammation.  This alone can cause fertility problems even if I was "normal"  We do not know what has caused it but we do know it isn't an STD or STI.  He was given antibiotics to see if that helps reduce the inflammation.  He has to go under more testing when he is able to and that will also tell us if the medication helped.

Now for the stab to the heart and uterus............
I went to see a new RE on Wednesday, June 4th.  I spoke to an OBGYN, a resident and then the RE.  She said she wanted to re check the patency of my right tube that was opened in December.  Remember we tried January, and February without success.  She could do a Saline Sonogram right then and there or I'd have to wait to for an HSG.  Since I'm allergic to the HSG dye I decided to just do the ultrasound.  Now I can do the HSG but after a day and a half protocol of Benadryl and Prednisone.  So I had to POAS so they could verify I wasn't pregnant.  I wasn't obviously.  I went to another room and did the normal routine for me.  Undress from the waist down.  Lay on the table.  Put my butt at the end of the table.  Drape the sheet over me.  Prop my feet into the stirrups and patiently wait to get started.  Well this day I had about 10 residents in the room, 2 nurses, 1 OBGYN and 1 RE.... Talk about an awkward party!  I was asked prior if the residents could attend.  At this point in our journey I could careless if there was 50 medical staff in there.  I just wanted to know what was going on.  After everyone took turns looking under the sheet we started with the prep.  They inserted a nice long catheter with a balloon into my uterus.  Placement was verified via transvaginal ultrasound.  Once in place and everyone once again looked at my lady parts to see what was happening we moved on.  They began to inject the saline into the catheter.  They were pushing so hard and fast the fluid couldn't go through fast enough so saline was gushing out of the syringe end into the floor and everywhere.  Holy cow my uterus felt like it was exploding and or I was going to have sporadic diarrhea.  Don't worry neither happened it was just from the pressure.  So I immediately was drawn back tot he pain of my HSG when the tube was blocked.  This was the exact same pain as then.  The same look of sadness across each of the medical staffs team.  I knew what they were going to say......Instead of saying what I thought they said we are going to give it a few minutes.  They were still pushing more syringes of fluid into my uterus so the pain was still occurring.  Finally after 8 minutes which felt like a lifetime they removed the ultrasound wand and the catheter.  They all looked at each other and then at me.  My heart sank and finally the RE said, "Sara, I am very sorry but your right tube is closed again.  I know this isn't what you wanted to hear.  There is also nothing we can do.  Your body is obviously blocking that tube for a reason and we can not do another surgery on it.  Your tube is either diseased or damaged or both.  Another surgery will cause more harm than good at this point.  Your options are to do IVF again, adopt or learn to live childless." 

Holy mother of batman people!!!  You've got to be kidding me!!!!! What a damn nightmare!  

So what are we going to do now.... Besides trying to have an HSG done to verify the findings of the ultrasound your guess is as good as ours.  With John away he can't be retested and we really can't discuss what we want or are going to do.  I do know one thing though if we do IVF again I am going to really want to use a surrogate.  We can't really afford that right now or adoption but I want our baby to have a wonderful environment to grow in for 8.5 months not a warzone like mine.  Come onI can't just walk up to a woman and say hey want to carry my baby for me or hey do you want that baby your pregnant with?  Well I could but that may be awkward! My TSH is also to high for fertility purposes and they still won't treat that...SHOCKER!  I am currently looking into IVF clinics, Surrogacy, Adoption, and Foster Care.  Living childless is just not an option to us.  We are to damn deserving to not give a child rather it's our own flesh and blood or not a good, stable, caring and loving home. My heart has been officially ripped out stomped on and halfway back in my chest.  I think it really is coming to light that we may never have biological children.  It's one of those nightmares that just won't stop which is very discouraging.  

God has some sort of plan but I just don't understand it at ALL!  I know He will provide in many ways and His will, will be done but sometimes it's hard to see that.  I just need to keep having hope and faith!

 Until next time........................

If your going to pray for us please  pray for John.  He wants to be here with me so bad but duty to this country comes first.  I wish he was here so we can support one another throw this.

IF YOU ARE A PARENT OR ARE PREGNANT PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TRULY BLESSED AND NEVER TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. 

IF YOUR STUGGLING LIKE IS KEEP THE HOPE AND FAITH!  KEEP PUSHING ON AND DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO MAKE YOUR DREAM A REALITY!!

Ovulation, Results, & Waiting

When you have been constantly trying to conceive sometimes you will start doing things to improve your chances that some think is odd or gross.  If that's opinion that is fine but we well I have decided a few months ago I would start taking detail notes on my cycles and observe everything that can help us determine when I am fertile.  So yes I am that crazy lady that takes her Basal Body Temperature every morning, checks her cervix position, cervical opening, her cervical fluid, and takes Ovulation Prediction Test religiously.   I know that may be TMI but hey I am just being honest.  It's not like I haven't made it very clear that there is a lot of talk on my blog about my vagina, uterus, cervix, semen, sperm, sex and general TTC stuff.  Anyways, with that said lets move on with some updates and what is going on now.

John had another Semen Analysis or SA done on the 5th.  I'm sure it was awkward for him to be in a hospital doing this business or as some call it "Making Love To A Cup".  It was awkward for me to sit and wait in the waiting room having the medical staff make awkward looks in my direction.  We got the results on the 11th.  He is definitely does not have a fertility problem.  He got above average levels in everything except morphology.  He had 3% overall and they just changed the "grading system" to 4% or higher for good quality.  However, he had plenty of swimmers that looked normal, had excellent forward progression, and 59% of the sample survived long enough to be able to make it to the uterus.  So, even though he only had 3% morphology he is considered very fertile :D :D :D :D

So since I have been charting my cycles in detail I knew something was off on CD 9/10.  My period ended on CD 7 (2/3).  On dc 9 (2/5) I started taking OPKs.  The test lines were almost as dark as the control line.  If you don't know when you use an OPK it is negative if the test line isn't as dark or darker than the control line.  Also most peoples test lines will go from faint to gradually getting darker until they get a positive.  I took a test a few hours later and the test line was even darker but not quite there.  Since this has never happened to me before this early in my cycle we did the deed. The following day CD 10 (2/6) even darker almost there.  On CD 11 (2/7) the line was more faint than before and my BBT (Basal Body Temp) had dipped a little.  Cd 12 (2/8) my BBT shoot up some and I was curious what was going on.  Cd 13 my suspension was sort of confirmed by my Fertility Friend App.  It started that I ovulated already.  I was a little confused since last cycle I ovulated around CD 17-19.  I called my REs nurse Monday morning which was CD 14.  She said I needed a Progesterone test done.  So I went in and had my labs drawn.  Tuesday CD 15 (2/11) I got the results.  My Progesterone was 7.69 and I most definitely had already ovulated.  So my temp and app were correct.  I immediately started taking my Endometrin vaginal Progesterone suppositories.  Today I am on CD 18 or 7dpo.  There are a few reasons why this could of happened but that would require more labs and ultrasounds.  We will pursue that if needed after the results of my pregnancy test this month.  I go in 10 days (2/24 aka CD 28) from a blood pregnancy test.  With the possibilities of why I ovulated much earlier I am to call immediately if I start bleeding before my test.  Now we just wait to see what God has store for us.  We are hoping and praying that this is our cycle.  It has been a very long 20 months and we are still going strong (even with my moments of sadness, and feeling hopelessness).

Below is a copy of my cycle chart from this cycle.  Once I entered my BBT for cd13 (2/9) the chart predicted that I had ovulated and started the count up from there.  It can get confusing but is very useful.  It is amazing what your body can tell you if you actually listen to it!  Without charting we would of missed this entire cycle and that would of been very upsetting. 

 

In other news we are moving at the end of this month!!  We are finally moving out of the cold, snowy Northeast and back to the South :D :D  Yes, it has been snowing down there as well but not like it has been here.  My RE here is going to follow me from Massachusetts until I am able to get into an RE in VA.  This way I can get all the appropriate medications and test done monthly until then.  We are so thankful that she is willing to do that for us from a far. 

With all of this said please continue to pray, send good vibes or whatever it is that you do for the two of us.  It really is appreciated.  Also, prayers for a safe and smooth move would be great. 

If you are dealing with nasty weather stay warm and safe! 

Until next time......





Post-Op & Update

POST-OP
My follow post op appointment on 1/15 went really well. My incisions look great. She was pleased that I haven't any non surgical related pain so far during this cycle.

December/January cycle

I started testing with OPKs and finally got a positive Lh surge on 1/8 which was cycle day 16.  It looks like I actually caught it near the end of the surge.  Since I had a positive OPK it meant the within the next 24-36 hours I would hopefully ovulate. So it was time to get down to business...... No pressure right??  WRONG!  This is our first time trying to conceive on our own without any kind of help. This is BIG!  I felt a little silly having to ask my doctors nurse which we needed to do our thing. Hey we didn't want to miss the fertile window after all. So many questions surfaced after my fertile window was over. Was I actually having ovulation cramps?  Did I ovulate?  If I did what were our chances?  When could we test?  How will we react to a BFP?  How will we cope of this cycle fails?  What could we do? 

Yes, I was having ovulation pain on 1/8 and 1/9. Yes, my lab work at my post op appointment showed I actually ovulated for one....so exciting!!!  My progesterone was at 9.70 and my RE wants it at 10 so I started pro getting vaginal suppositories.  Research says that for a healthy female that's not medicated during a cycle has a 20% chance a month of conceiving.  Since I just had a lap, tube opened, and flushed out my RE have this cycle a 25% chance. Yes, that's higher than average but my reproductive organs were freshly "cleaned" which can increase the odds for the first month for some people.  I started testing on 10dpo (days post ovulation).  We did a progesterone blood test on 1/15.  It showed my progesterone was a lower than what it should be.  With that said it was low enough to where a fertilized egg more than likely wouldn't of implanted the week before.  BUMMER! 

What's Next?
We met with my RE on 1/28 to discuss our plans.  John had to undergo some more testing to make sure he is still good to go.  We don't have the results yet.  We should have them sometime this week.  I have started testing for my lh surge. Once I get a positive ovulation test I will start progesterone suppositories 2-3 days after to make sure my lining is suitable for a baby(ies).  Hopefully, in the next few days I will have my positive test and we can get the ball rolling. 

We are actually moving at the end of the month so it will make seeing an RE impossible for a few weeks.  My RE that I have here wants to monitor me from afar until I get a new doctor.  Packing, moving, trying to conceive, and all sorts of other things are going on but we can conquer it all!

Until next time....


 

Day 4 Post-OP

Today is day 3 since I had surgery.  I have to say I feel pretty good considering.  The past few days have been long, painful, tiring, and nauseating.  However, this is worth it since my tube is open.

My medical team at the hospital called Tuesday to see how I was doing.  Then yesterday my RE called. She wanted to check on how I was feeling, ask about my pain and bleeding.  She still wants us to give this cycle a try as long as my spotting stops before the BIG "O"......Ovulation ;).  She said she is very happy with the results and is amazed we got it opened since two prior procedures failed too.  Those procedures were with another  doctor who didn't have all the fancy catheters, dilators and wires she had.  She said the adhesion's were on the ends I my tubes and they were connected to my pelvic wall.  This is one reason I had so much pain.  My Fallopian tube was been pulled toward my right side.  Ouch!  She also states that she was able to get the tube 100% open and not partially. This is HUGE!  This means there is one less thing in the way that can cause an ectopic pregnancy :) :).  I go on the 15th for a post-op appointment. 

My incisions look pretty intense this time. My poor belly button has taken a beating.  It's been cut open 4 times in he last 5 years.  I have a lot of scar tissue so healing takes time. I also formed blisters near my left side incision that I accidentally popped.  We think those are due to the sensitivity I have to bandage adhesive. 

Belly Button.

Left side.  Those 2 scabs are where the blisters were that I didn't see until after they popped.

Day 3 Post-Op from my Laparoscopy in 2012.

Yesterday, my right side started hurting and I couldn't figure out why.  Obviously I had abdominal surgery but there was no new incisions near the pain location.  This morning I figured it out.  I guess some equipment was laid on my side and it caused a nice yellow bruise.  My abdominal incisions themselves don't hurt but the bruises do.  My back is also starting to hurt.  I have been taking it easy still but I have started moving around more and also doing little things around the apartment.  I haven't needed to take any pain medication since last night so that's a plus.  I am still waking up almost every hour and tossing and turning.  

Since my spotting has slowed down now to where it is almost nonexistent I have been taking ovulation test to give us a better time frame to try this cycle.  Granted I may not ovulate even with a positive ovulate test its worth a shot.  

It's time for lunch and a nap.  

Until next time.......

New Year, New Journey

Yesterday, I went in for the surgery I called D-Day.  I had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy.  Our goal was to excise any endometriosis that was present, and to try a final attempt to open my fallopian tube.

There were a few small concerns with moving forward with the surgery since I was still under the weather.  However, my breathing sounded great, no fever, and my pulse was strong.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared, nervous, hopeful, and thankful.  My doctor is truly amazing and so was/is her staff.

As 2013 come to an end after so much pain, heartache, injections, pills, ultrasounds, appointments, tests, a surgery we are happy to say that my RE was able to UNBLOCK MY TUBE!!!  That's right my fallopian tube is open and is ready to go!  She cut out the blockage without having to cut my tube and pushed blue dye through it.  We had a 1% or less chance this was going to work and it did.  GOD IS GOOD!!  I am still in some pain obviously, and very nauseous.  There was minimal endometriosis and I did have several adhesions.

What's next?!?!?..... Well, I have been spotting since my period ended Sunday and plus the surgery causes bleeding.  Once the bleeding stops we are to get busy because I should be ovulating sometime between this Saturday and Monday.  That's right we will be trying to naturally conceive :)  We are beyond thankful and feel blessed!  Usually within the first 6 months after removing a blockage you will get pregnant if it's going to happen.  There is also a good chance my tube will be blocked again at some point.  As far as I know the blockage was endo and scar tissue.

The past 1.5 years has been intense.  2 IUIs, a thyroid problem, 2 surgeries, 3 HSGs, 1 IVF cycle, 1 miscarriage, 1 FET cycle that failed, 40 vaginal suppositories, 30+ injections, 15+ ultrasounds,  20+ hours driving to and from my RE's offices, and a lot of heartache.  We will be starting 2014 off in this new journey that seemed so far way in the beginning.

We appreciate all the phone calls, emails. letters/cards, texts, thoughts and prayers.  Please continue to pray that all of this works out.  We are now moving forward!

Until next time.....
-Positive thoughts and prayers that this was all worth it and that God blesses us with a pregnancy and a healthy baby.

Here are the graphic photos of the surgery, including one with the dye after it passed through my fallopian tube.

Adhesions in the pelvic wall.

Another adhesion.

Uterus, fallopian tube and ovary.

See that blue color... Thats the dye after the blockage was removed and it went through my tube :)

The $10,000 Question?!?!?

The $10,000 question has been answered by my RE.  Yesterday was the BIG day. Go to Providence, have labs drawn, go to work, wait, Wait WAIT, get the call and go to dinner.  

While at work I received the call. My doctor was very sweet, compassionate and kind when she told me the fate of my pregnancy.  God decided that he needed our little baby with him in heaven.  My pregnancy ended at 5 weeks and 2 days.  John and I both are doing.  I know once it sets in it will be difficult for both of us. It hasn't fully set in yet that we aren't going to be delivering a baby or babies in late July.  It will hit once I see John and when I start to bleed.  

Job 1:21

The Lord giveth and taketh away, blessed is the name of The Lord. 

We do not have anymore embryos left to transfer so essentially we are done trying....for now.  I go December 2nd to discuss our options and make sure my RE, John and I are on the same page.  

This journey has been so hard but it has also been a blessing.  God has a plan for us. His will will be done when it's time.  I am the mother of 4 beautiful and perfect babies in heaven. One day we will be with them.  We are not giving up but we are taking a much needed break.  Our hearts are broken and we are working through this even with the distance between us.  

We have an amazing family and wonderful friends.  Three of my best friends Jess, Tiffany and Johnsie did something unexpected for me right after I told them it didn't work.  I got a call and then a delivery.  

They got me this beautiful and delicious Ediable Arrangement. So thoughtful and loving. The card was epic!!!! 

Samantha have me a beautiful Alex an Ani bracelet and a bottle of wine.  

Samantha, Bridget and I went to dinner last night. I had a few vodka and red bulls. Yummy ;) ;). 

John and I would like to think all of our family and friends that have been supportive of this journey.  It is not over but we would appreciate everyone giving us time to grieve. While our embryos were only a few weeks old they were still lives lost that we fought for.  We love them just as much as we would if they were still here with us.  I find comfort knowing that one day we will all be together again! 

Until next time..... 

-Pray that John and I can find peace with all of this.

-Pray that we get through this difficult time. 

Frozen Embryo Transfer Completed

Today was the BIG DAY!!!

Sadly my husband was unable to attend do to his schedule but I thankfully have wonderful friends.  My friend Christy has been giving me my Progesterone injections in the behind for me.  Talk about a pain in the arse.  My butt is a giant bruise of pain but it will be worth it.

This morning my good friend Rudi and I headed to Massachusetts.  It was a nice hour and a half drive. Barely any major traffic just people that weren't even going the speed limit.  I had to drink enough water to fill my bladder up.  At about 30 ounces I thought my bladder was going to EXPLODE!  Thankfully they checked my bladder and let me use the potty for only a whooping 5 seconds.  Your bladder has to be full for Embryo Transfers.  Since they have to press down hard during the ultrasound to view the transfer your bladder shouldn't be too full.

The doctor came in and showed us the photo of the Blastocyst.  Blastocyst are graded to determine which embryos are more likely to implant into the uterus.  It is graded a 4BB.  Which means the blastocyst is expanded almost to the hatching stage.  Yes, human embryos hatch from their egg and then hopefully implant :)  The first B is the grade of the inner cell mass.  B means loosely packed, several cells.  The second B stands for the grading of the trophectoderm.  Needless to say the Embryo was of very good quality :) :) :)  The doctor gave me Valium to help me relax and so my uterus wouldn't contract.  She also gave me my info on the secret pregnancy test date :) The doctor had me lay on the table and prepare me for the transfer.  It is like a regular prep for a pap.  Only difference is that they feed a catheter through the cervix into the uterus.  Then the Embryologist comes in with the inner catheter that has the embryo(s) in it.  The doctor places it and then the Embryologist pushes the fluid and embryo into the upper uterine cavity.  The Embryologist removed the catheter and went back to the lab.  She placed in under the microscope to verify the embryo was out of the catheter.  Rudi recorded the ultrasound monitor so we can all witness a miracle and the awesomeness of a baby being placed back into the womb.

Our Blastocyst that was transferred today 

What you will see is at the top of the ultrasound is a large black area.  That is my full, about to explode bladder.  Right under that is the uterus.  You will notice a grey oval inside of the uterus.  This is part of the lining.  From the right side of the screen you will see the outer catheter.  The inner catheter is placed inside.  You will see a gush of white in the grey oval (around 1:42/1:43 of video).  That is the fluid that contains our embryo.  After you will see a pocket of air(it is small) and that is the location on the embryo.  ** You will see the gush even if you don't enlarge it.  Sorry that it is a little grainy when enlarged. 

After all of the that fun I got to lay there for 10 minutes.  Then I got to finally relieve my bladder.  AHHH!  I was starving so we went to Chipotle after.  My V-card for Chipotle has finally been taken.  Yes. Today was my first time ever going to one.  It was yummy ;)  Since I have been home I have been laying in bed relaxing and editing the ultrasound video.  

The next few days I will be relaxing and taking it easy.  Meals for the next week have already been cooked!  So I thankfully don't have to worry about that :D

Shout out to my little man Cecil who gave his mommy Rudi his panda neck pillow, " So Miss Sara can be comfortable after her appointment".  Cecil you rock and I'll never forget your kind gesture :)

So as of this minute I am considered Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not out of the woods yet.  A lot can happen between now and my blood test.  

Well until next time.........

Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming.  We greatly appreciate it!

Let's Not Ovulate

This past Saturday which was cd 8 I started having pain around my ovary.  It wasn't horrible but wasn't normal for me.  Sunday I had the same pain but it had increased and was sharp.  I had a appointment scheduled for the following morning so I figured if just wait.   

I had my third round of labs on Monday.  Te doctor was super busy so I decided to wait until she called with my results to talk about the pain.  She finally called and said my estrogen level was right where they wanted it.  It was 132.9. Yay I'm responding to my medication :)  I was instructed to increase my Estradoil dose to 6 mg a day.  I told her about my pain.  She said I shouldn't be having any pain but it is possible I could have "breakthrough" ovulation.  I usually do not ovulate on my own ever.  So this is bad timing I I'm trying too. You see I'm not supposed to ovulate at all during this cycle but sometimes some women so. She told me to keep doing my ovulation test, watch for excessive weight pain, increased pain, bleeding, chanes in cervical mucous, and fever.  If any of those changed to notify her or my nurse. 

Not even an hour after talking to te doctor I started spotting and having very fertile cm appear.  I was confused since my labs show I was no where near ovulation or being ready to be in the "fertile zone" of my cycle. I called the nurse and she told me to call back if anything got worse.  Thankfully nothing got worse.  

As of today 30OCT I am still having the pain but it hasn't gotten any worse.  The spotting is gone (fingers crossed) so we will find out this Friday 01NOV if are transfer is still a go.  If we get the green light they will also determine when to start the thaw our little embryo. 

When it comes to the transfer I will update everyone that it ha been done.  However, the photo of the embryo and video of the actual transfer will not be shared until after my husband sees it. Do to scheduling conflicts he won't be able to go.  Remember you will find out if it worked or not a few weeks after the transfer. Please respect our privacy.  

I would like to think my mom who was going to come up but has some important things she can not miss at home.  I'd like to think Rudi for being willing not only to take me to my transfer but to go back there with me.  I'd like to think Christy for being awesome and willing to do my IM injections in my gluteus maximus ;).  I'd also like to think all of our family and friends that have been so supportive, loving, caring, kind, and helpful during all of his for the past 2 years.  You all mean the world to us and words and gifts can never truly show how thankful we really are!  

Until next time......

-Pray that our embryo thaws and survives.

-Pray that the embryo implants and grows into a beautiful healthy baby.

-Pray that John and I can get through another cycle regardless of the outcome.

-Also pray for our family and close friends that are feeling pain from our struggle.

-Pray for all of those that are struggling from infertility all around the world

FET Scheduled

HERE WE GO.........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

We have our FET tentative schedule!!!!  We are so very excited to get this show on the darn road!  I was praying for a miracle last week.  My period was 6 days late.  Of course I was telling myself well maybe my tube decided to play nice and open up and I am knocked up..... Nope wrong!  I have to say though that getting my period was like Christmas.  Yes, I have been in a lot of pain and really moody but we can now start our new cycle.

Friday I went to get blood work to check my BHCG, Progesterone and Estrogen.  All came back in withing the limits they needed to be so I could start my medication.  Saturday I started my estrogen tablets.  So here is my schedule:

10/18- Period started
10/19- Start Estrogen 2mg tablets
10/24- Blood work to check hormone levels
           Increase Estrogen dosage to 4mg
10/28- Blood work to check hormone levels
            Increase Estrogen dosage to 6mg
11/01- Blood work and ultrasound
           Decrease Estrogen dosage back to 2mg
11/02- Start 25mg Progesterone IM injections
11/03- Increase Progesterone to 50mg
           Continue both Estrogen 2mg and Progesterone 50mg IM injections until BHCG results
11/08- EMBRYO TRANSFER

**Based off of my lab and ultrasound results this schedule could change to give my embryo the best environment to be in!

We are obviously hoping, and praying for a BFP but if it turns out to not work we will NOT give up!  I have decided that I we allow my RE to go in and "clean house" and then I will start all natural treatment for my blocked tube.  This will involve Traditional Chinese Medicine, self fertility massage, fertility cleansing, acupuncture, reflexology and a few other natural approaches.  It may sound like I'm being a hippie but I am tired of pumping my body full of all of these nasty chemicals.  I have been doing A LOT of research since our miscarriage on natural approaches and what has actually helped people with Endometriosis and blocked tubes.  Maybe we can unblock my tube, get me to ovulate and BAM make a baby....Wouldn't that be AMAZING?!?!?

Sure hope it's soon!

Every time I see this it makes me giggle and smile :P

 Well housework is calling my name :\

Until next time......

-Pray that our embryo thaws and survives.

-Pray that the embryo implants and grows into a beautiful healthy baby.

-Pray that John and I can get through another cycle regardless of the outcome.

-Also pray for our family and close friends that are feeling pain from our struggle.

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  It is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Wear Blue and Pin this month and support both causes!!!!

FET Coming Up

Sorry it has been a while since my last post.  I was going to update you all before now but we were waiting for results and other things.  I figured I'd just make one post about everything.

My PCM ran more test to figure out what was going on with my thyroid and and look into some new symptoms.  Good news they did not find any tumors, cancer, or any major problems.  All of my thyroid test were normal except the antibodies.  Good news though about my antibodies they have decreased significantly.  I personally think it that is due to me eating healthier and exercising.  My allergies have also been causing me some problems.  I have broken out 4 times in the last 2 months randomly and we don't know the cause.  We know it could just be from my Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.  As of now no new flare ups :)

With that said John and I have decided to continue our IVF cycle :D  So my period is supposed to be here any day now.  When AF makes her grand appearance I will start my medications!  This time I won't need most of the same medications that I needed last time thank goodness.  My medications arrived last Friday.  I will be on Estradiol 2mg tablets (Estrogen) and various milligrams of Progesterone in Sesame Oil injections.  

I have to admit i can't wait for my darn period to show up so we can start!  This picture doesn't look to intimidating as the fresh cycles medication.....Recap....

 YIKES!!! 

Once I start my medications I will have to see my doctor every 2-3 days to do ultrasounds and blood work.  Based of of these test we will know if I can up my dosage of Estradiol and also see if my uterus is ready for the transfer.  This is where my worries and fear is.....  The embryo has to be thawed.  While there is a 95% survival rate for the embryo it is still nerve racking knowing something could happen and all of this be over before we really do anything.  Emotions are running high.  Remember this is our last embryo and our last IVF cycle we will ever do!  As far as the beta pregnancy test goes, I will not be telling anyone if the cycle worked or not until I have confirmation that John knows.  Our schedules are hectic so don't expect a post 1-2 days after this cycle like the last one.  If it is positive and after John knows a few select family members and friends will be notified.  I will not confirm anything until we know if everything is okay regardless of the outcome.

If the FET is not successful I will be going under for another surgery to "clean house" and a last ditch effort to work on the tube.  This will be the 4th time that my tube will be worked on to open it.  It may or may not work.  All we can do is hope and pray for the best and that I won't need to do another surgery. 

I have to say it breaks my heart knowing right now we have a life that has been created and it is in a laboratory frozen, not growing and not with us! 

Until next time......

-Pray that our embryo thaws and survives.

-Pray that the embryo implants and grows into a beautiful healthy baby.

-Pray that John and I can get through another cycle regardless of the outcome.

-Also pray for our family and close friends that are feeling pain from our struggle.

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  It is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Wear Blue and Pin this month and support both months! 

 

Some Answers, More Waiting

I hope everyone is having a good week so far.  Since my last post I have since both my RE and OB.  It seems like they are on two different chapters and I am stuck in the chapters in between!

My RE doesn't want to treat my Hashimoto's until my TSH starts going nuts.  Even with the risk that could be involved she is waiting.  My OB thinks I should be getting treated now even if it's just for my side effects.  He isn't sure how they would approach just my antibodies being high.  He is looking into some options and is supposed to get back to me soon.   My RE tested me for Diabetes since I have a strong family history of it and it was NEGATIVE :) :) :)  Since that was negative my symptoms are pointing to PCOS.  One more hurdle for us to have a baby :( :( :(  But HEY... No Diabetes :)  I still have some more thyroid testing to do... BOO!

I started a 24 Day Challenge through Advocare.  Today is Day 8 and I'm down 6.2 pounds :)  I am so flipping excited and happy ;)

Sorry back on track.  My RE and I discussed our FET.  Apparently FETs are more successful than fresh cycles.  Something about the medications and monitoring more closely...blah, blah blah. They sent my prescriptions to a pharmacy but they didn't take Tricare at there MA office.  So they sent it to their RI office.  The Rhode Island office doesn't have a license to ship medications to Connecticut.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  It's estrogen tablets and progesterone not cocaine or heroin.  Get your damn license!!!  They were able to send my prescriptions to another pharmacy and they are able to help me thankfully!  So when my period starts next month I will call my doctor and she will tell me how much estrogen to take that day.  I'll continue that dose until my blood work and ultrasound.  That usually will be 2-3 days after day 1 of my period.  Based on the blood work and ultrasound results I should be increasing my estrogen dosage.  That cycle is continued up until the transfer.  John is super excited because 2-3 days before the transfer he gets to use a 2 inch needle to inject my medication into my butt cheek.  He is actually thrilled like he won the lottery lol.  Once I am ready to go they will thaw our embryo and get it ready to be transferred.  Once it's thawed it's the same process as a fresh cycle from there until I get home that day.  I will have to continue taking the estrogen tablets.  I may need more progesterone injections depending on what labs say.  Then we will wait 10-12 days to see if we get our precious BFP!!

Speaking of periods....this time she was 3 days late!  Imagine all the dreams and hopes of miracles I had going on in my head!!!  What a TEASE?!?!?!?!?!

I really hope this is it and this will be our time.  This is our last IVF cycle to try to have a biological baby!  A lot is riding on this.  If it takes I think you all know how we will feel :) :)  If it doesn't.....well lets not talk about that unless we have too.  It already crosses my mind so we will let that be.  

I have decided to get my 7th tattoo at some point.  It really depends on when we get a BFP.  I want to get the Infertility & Loss Awareness Ribbon on my foot.  I think I'd like to get the Endometriosis ribbon incorporated in it some how.  I am excited.  John has requested he be present for this tattoo.... Maybe I can convince him to get one while we are there :D :D 

Well....Until next time.........

What's Next For Now & Infertility Humor

Since my last post John and I have had some serious conversations on what to do next.  There is so many unanswered questions, emotions, thoughts, and of course EVERYONE has an opinion.

At this point in the infertility game this is our options: Continue with IVF and do a FET, Surrogacy and Adoption.  Non of these options are easy to think about.  We have already done a fresh IVF cycle that sadly ended in a miscarriage had a 70% chance of success.  A FET will have around a 50% success rate.  Surrogacy really isn't something we want to do but you never know what the future holds.  Adoption is expensive and has a lot of red tape.

Since the miscarriage John and I have been doing a lot of thinking and making decisions.  I decided and then talked to John that we should wait until October to do our FET.  I still have to talk to my RE on Wednesday.  Besides Endometriosis I have a disease that can cause implantation problems, miscarriages and birth defects.  It is caused Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.  It is a form of Hypothyroidism.  My TSH is perfect but my body is producing antibodies that is attacking my thyroid.  Some people with the disease can get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy once it is controlled.  Here is the problem......No one wants to freaking treat me!!!!!!!   I do not want to use our only snowbaby if we don't my health under control. 

So the main reasons we want to take a small break is:
1. Address my concern about my Hashimoto's to my RE.
2. Get my Hashimoto's under control.
3. Get testing for other auto immune diseases that run in my family.
4. Make a lifestyle change by eating healthier foods.
5. Loose some weight.
6. Start a routine exercise program.
I think those things sound pretty reasonable.  We shall see what the doctor says.

As of this moment we will be doing a FET.  This is our decision and we are sticking to it unless test results tell us we shouldn't.  If you don't like our decision keep it to yourself. 

It has been suggested to me that I should write an ebook for Amazon.  A book that would include our story, fertility issues and treatments, medication, IUI, IVF, what Tricare will and will not cover, etc.  It would be like a one resource for infertile military couples.  Of course it would have useful information for non military couples as well.  So I am slowly diving in to see what happens. 

VERY EXCITING NEWS FROM MY BROTHER AND HIS SISTER-IN-LAW.........................
I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was told two days after my BFN.  After doing some math I figured out that she conceived the same day as my transfer.  How crazy is that??  Yes it was a little hard to hear but I am so EXCITED for my brother and sister in law.  They truly deserve this.  John and I can not wait to find out if we are going to have a niece or a nephew.  April 28, 2013 needs to hurry up :) :) 

So keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we get the answers we need.  Also pray for a healthy pregnancy for my sister in law.

Until next time....... Here is some infertility humor for y'all.  Some may think it isn't appropriate but you have to laugh sometimes :P