Waiting and Not Knowing

Here I am babysitting 2 of the sweetest children I know.  A true little Princess and a ver Inspirational little boy that has a wonderful outlook on life.  These 2 kids touch my heart in so many ways.  All the kids I watch hold a special place in my heart at the end of the day.  Children are such a precious gift.  We are to teach them the things in life that they need to know.  However, kids teach us so much too.  It is amazing how much a child can show you when you least expect it.  Almost everyday I see a child that bring me joy just like I bring them joy as well.  These children are not mine in anyway but I treat them like they are.

I am learning that if all my fertility treatments, shots, etc, don't work that it will be okay.  Life will go on one way or another.  If my infertility is permanent I will be thankful I am not worse off like some.  Everyday brings a new thought, emotion, or physical pain.  Endometriosis has really changed my life.  I thought having a fatal skin disease(Steven-Johsnons Syndrome) was bad enough.  Yeah, I know if it is some odd ball illness it will happen to me.  I have always been the person to get odd stuff.  I guess being an science experiment was in the cards I was dealt.   In the past 3.5 years so much has changed and my life will continue to change.  I hope that is only for the better.

On, August 29th I will be doing a hCG shot with the assistance of an ultrasound.  The plan is that in 2 weeks 2 days after the injection I will take a sensitive blood pregnancy test.  To say I am happy, excited, and hopeful about the thought that we maybe parents one day is an understatement.  At the same time I am terrified, nervous, freaked out, stressed, and so many other things it isn't even funny.  I have been counting down the days until I get the shot.  The "What If's" are taking place in my mind.  If this doesn't work I am going to be devastated!!  I never expected to be told that I was infertile at 23, I'll need assistance to be pregnant, and that if it doesn't happen with in a year or 2 it may never happen thanks to my Endo.  When life throws me lemons , I try to make lemonade out of them but it can be hard to do sometimes.

Waiting around and not knowing what the future holds is the hardest thing.  I know I have to be patient but this is taking forever ;)  I have waited this long I might as well wait some more until it's my time.  That is so much easier said than done!!

My husband has been a great sport about this whole thing.  He has been supportive this whole time it's wonderful.  I don't give him enough credit at all.  So John, if your reading this know how much I love you and that your support is more than I can ask for!! <3 <3 <3 <3  You are the BEST!

Until next time my friends...