Pregnant or Not Pregnant???

Pregnant or Not Pregnant is the question many have been wondering!

Well I would first like to say that when you start a IVF cycle your so pumped and ready to go.  You only think about the positives never the what ifs.  When doing IVF you should really consider the positives and negatives so you don't get your hopes to high.  IVF is not 100% but it can make dreams come true. 

Yesterday morning at 7:50 I was inProvidence  getting my blood work done.  Waiting for the results was the hardest part of this whole process. At 2:10pm I saw the results online in my chart.  I waited for the doctor to call to confirm. She called at 2:34pm.  She confirmed that everything we hoped and prayed for wasn't so. 

Our IVF cycle FAILED and I am NOT pregnant!!  Talk about a stab right in the heart and uterus!!  I was completely broken inside. John was at work so I texted him saying the doctor had called. About 30 minutes after she called he did.  I told him and I could tell he was filled with disappointment like I was and still am. 

It hasn't completely set in yet and probably won't until my period comes.  That is now 3 days late go figure!  The next few days and weeks is truly going to be hard on us. I'm in between the upset, disappointment and angry phases right now. 

So what's next you ask? Well I simply wait for my period to come. During that time those 2 beautiful blastocyst our little ones will be flushed out of my body for forever! After my period ends we will check my hormone levels. If they are normal then we can start planning out next step which is a Frozen Embryo Transfer(FET).  This is done a little different than a fresh cycle bit hopefully it will work. We can so this as soon as September.  The chances of a IVF cycle working is really a case by case thing. This cycle we had a 60-70% chance of it working an sadly it didn't. For whatever reason neither blastocyst implant. Science doesn't have a complete understanding why this happens!! 

Here is what we've learned through this process that gives us hope:

1. With the right medications I can be stimulated to produce multiple healthy eggs. 

2. Nothing is wrong with John fertility wise which we already knew. 

3. My eggs can be fertilized. 

4. Our fertilized eggs can turn into beautiful Blastocysts. 

5. We have one snow baby or frosty that we can use. 

6. That snow baby has a 95% chance of surviving the thawing process. 

7. The snow baby has a 50% chance of implanting. 

8. WE DISNT DO ANYTHING WRONG TO CAUAE THIS NOT TO WORK!  We did everything we were told to do and did it. If I had questions I would email the nurse. 

Hope is not completely lost yet!  We hopefully have one more try. This may be out last opportunity to try IVF considering its so darn expensive!  However I don't think we will give up. 

So for now if you could keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we make it through this difficult time we would appreciate it. 

I'd like to thank our family and friends that have been there since the beginning!! Between swapping work days with John to some lovely ladies going to appointments with me we greatly appreciate all of your love and support!! I also know many reading this will not know what to say to myself or John and that is okay. Just be there. 

Until next time......

Tomorrow's the BIG Day!

Well tomorrow we will find out if our IVF cycle worked!!! I am filled with many mixed emotions. I'm excited but fearful at the same time. 

I have been bad and have been doing HPTs. They all have been negative. The one this morning was negative as well. Now anything can happen between now and tomorrow. It could just be too early to tell or not pregnant. I'm praying its just too early to tell!! Everyone's body metabolizes differently and we know I metabolize very very slowly so this could be the case. I thought I had some spotting on Friday but my mind could of been playing tricks on me. 

I've been having cramps since my ET. The cramps did start to become severe like they were before my Endo was removed in 2011.  Yesterday they were mild and so far today knock on wood I really haven't had any. 

My period is schedule to arrive today or tomorrow!! If it comes then those beautiful embryos we transferred will be flushed out and be gone for forever!  That part really makes me sad when I think about it.  I did have quite a few symptoms of pregnancy but most are now gone. My nausea though is still around in full force. 

I have been thinking both positive and negatively. I don't want to be completely heart broken tomorrow and have our dreams crushed. We do have one frozen snow baby. However that one precious embryo may not survive the thawing process and then it's all over for us!  There is a lot riding on the outcome of tomorrow blood work. 

The waiting and uncertainty is breaking me in some ways. I am off tomorrow and will spend the day cleaning and waiting for that phone call.  If the test is positive I probably will announce it sooner rather than later because I will be too excited to hold it in. If it negative I will make a post before Friday evening. Regardless our parents and siblings will be notified first.  Those few special ladies that are my rocks (y'all know who you are) will find out tomorrow night after them. The world will have to wait until we are ready to say nay or YAY! 

No matter what the lab work shows we can say we tried everything we could to have our own baby!  This has been such a hard, long, exhausting, emotional and crazy journey most will never understand. So please keep us in your thoughts and or prayers tomorrow as we find out if we will be blessed with a pregnancy that will lead to a baby or babies!!!!  

Until next time.........

Ovary Gymnastics & Update

It's been 4 days since our 5 day transfer (4dp5dt).  I've been having some cramping, sore breasts, bloating, and tired.  All normal signs for this part of the process, that is until last night.

Yesterday, started like every other day this week mild cramping which was manageable.  Then last night I started having horrible cramps.  Cramps that were as bad as the ones before my Endometriosis was removed.  It brought me to my knees then to a ball in the floor.  It didn't last too long but hurt like HELL!  Finally it went away and then came back on and off fora while.  I emailed the nurse this morning and I was told to go in for an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have a cyst rupture or having Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome.  Well, the good news is no cysts, no free fluid, no real signs internally of OHSS!  The ultrasound reviled that my ovary had been doing gymnastics and is sitting on top of my uterus!!!!  I know what your thinking...how in the world did that happen?!?!?!?!  I was thinking the same thing too.  My ovary, needless to say is a free spirit that has it's own idea of where it should be and what tit should do.  This isn't this first time it has done something whacky however this is the whackiest!!  It has been behind my uterus almost stuck to it, and caught in my intestines.  Neither one of those really caused me this much pain or really any pain.  I have scar tissue from my surgeries and adhesion's so I guess I'm "more" prone to this sort of craziness.  Tylenol doesn't help so there's no point in continuing to take it.  I can't use a heating pad, take ibuprofen or any pain meds, or really do anything about it.  My RE did say that she believes the pain is coming from the ovary just sitting on the ovary and not due to extreme uterine cramping.  She did do blood work to see if I need more hormonal support.  We will know tomorrow.   So I will live with it.

Other possibilities that could also be playing a roll in my pain is that my embryos are implanting which is our goal by doing this, or I could be PMSing because they aren't and my period will come.  If it is implanting it should be done with that today-Sunday :)  I am doing everything I can to stay positive.  It is still to early to tell...well somewhat.  Wednesday I will do my blood test.  However, I could possibly get a positive home pregnancy test (BFP) before then.  The trigger hCG shot is 100% out of my system so if I get a line then it is REAL!

We recieved our completed embryo report from the Embryologist today.  Here is everything it said and some is a recap.
14 eggs retrieved
13 mature
8 fertilized
2 embryos
1 cryopreserved (frozen for later use)
5 not suitable for cryopreservation 

We were hoping for more than 1 to be cryopreserved but we will take it.  1 is DEFINITELY better than none!!!!

The next few days will hopefully go by fast.  John is being all patient and I am well NOT!  I'm sure you all can understand why......If not I don't know what to tell ya.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and I don't know why this is happening to us.  I like to think we are good people and that we deserve a family.  We have our own home, steady income, the means to take care of a baby and so much love to give.  Maybe this is happening so I can bring awareness to people about Endometriosis or Infertility.  I am really not sure.  No matter how many people whine and complain I will continue to blog about it.  I know life isn't fair but this truly isn't fair!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and future." Jeremiah 29:11

Anyways.......So please continue to have us in your thoughts and prayers.  We have come a long way.  We are hoping and praying for the best possible outcome.  

Until next time......

Embryo Transfer

If anything doesn't make sense or is spelled wrong its because of the valium. 

Today was the BIG day!! 8 eggs were fertilized and 2 became Blastocyst sooner than expected. 5 are almost Blastocyst and sadly one is slowing down in growth and probably won't make it to the freeze. They will monitor the embryos until tomorrow. If they are good quality they will be cryopreserved and used at a later time if needed. 

We are fortunate that they have all survived this long. It goes to show that my doctors and Embryologist know what they are doing :) 

We went in wanting transfer 2. We were advised of the risk of doing 2 and decided to only transfer 1. After a evaluation of the 2 blastocyst right before we for started they decided on the original plan of transferring both was a good idea. One started to slow in growth but was still good quality.  There is a good possibility of twins!! Here are our beautiful Blastocyst that were transferred:

Aren't they beautiful???  This is what a embryo at Day 5 looks like!!!!  

I took a Valium to help relax my muscles. We sont want my uterus contracting yet. I had to drink 66 ounces of water right before this to have my bladder full. I was nervous on peeing on my doctor but I didn't :) I was so relaxed. The ultrasound machine was going and you could see all my lady business on the screen. I didn't even fill the catheter go into the cervix. Once that was done the Embryologist came in with another catheter that had the embryos in it. That was placed into the other one and then he carefully positioned the tip where they wanted it. Once positioned he pushed the fluid containing the embryos into the uterus. The ultrasound showed they placed the embryos in he right place.  It also showed the fluid containing the embryos fill up the uterus. It was absolutely amazing to see that!!!  Then he put the catheter under the microscope to ensure they made it out and they did. I laid there for 10 minutes and then got dressed. First pit stop the bathroom :D. Second pit stop was at McDonalds. 

I go in 9 days for a blood test. If its positive I have to do another test to confirm. I'll eventually be released from the RE and will be seen by a OBGYN. 

As of right now I am considered PUPO or Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!! Holy cow Batman I have embryos in me :D 

Well that all folks :) :) 

Until next time.....

IVF Cycle #1 Break Down

Some people think a IVF Cycle is easy and takes no time or no effort.... WRONG.  It is 1,000% emotional,exhausting, frustrating, and many other things.  I am not going to sit here and act like it the hardest thing that one will do in life because it isn't but it's close enough.  It takes a lot of time, pain, traveling to the doctors office (mine is over an hour away one way), pills, inserts, injections, patience and most importantly support.

I'm going to break down this cycle for you so some can see what it really takes.  It is lengthy but it is reality for some of us that this is what it takes to have a baby or babies!

Summary:
19 BC Pills
13 Injections.. 12 done in my stomach by myself or husband
7 Endometrin Inserts....77 more to do
6 DR visits for B/W
6 U/S
1 Egg Retrieval with 14 eggs :D :D :D :D
8 Fertilized Eggs :D :D :D :D
1 soon to happen Embryo Transfer
1-2 soon to happen blood  pregnancy test
Ovarian Hyserstimulation Syndrome which at this time is mild.
THIS ONLY A SMALL PORTION OF WHAT SOME HAVE TO DO!!!

Here is a complete history of our IVF Cycle #1 from start to Monday. 

IVF Cycle #1
6/19 Consult with my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE)
6/22-6/27 AF came to visit
6/24 Day 3 B/W
                   E2 29
                   FSH 9.6
                   TSH 3.10
                   Prolactin 8.0
6/26 Start Junel Fe Birth Control Pills
6/28 B/W
                   Chickenpox, Measles- Immune
                   Cystic Fibrosis
                   Ab, RBC w/ REFL Titer
                   RPR
                   HIV 1/2
                   HepB Core Ab Total
                   HCV Ab
                   HBsAG Screen
                   ALL OF THE ABOVE TEST WERE NEGATIVE OR NON REACTIVE
                   TSH 2.16
                   ABO Group O
                   Rh Factor +
7/14 Stop Junel Fe
7/15 Suppression Check via B/W & U/S
                   E2 <25.0
                   U/S RT Ovary normal values
7/17 Aunt Flo came to visit again
7/19 Gonal-F subQ injection

7/20 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/21 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/22 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/23 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/24 B/W & U/S
                    E2 173.2
                    U/S RT Ovary Follicles
                    R1 12.7mm
                    R2 8.62mm
       Gonal-F subQ injection
7/25  Gonal-F subQ injection
7/26 B/W & US
                     E2 320.7
                     LH 0.6
                     U/s RT Ovary Follicles
                     R1 13.92mm
                     R2 12.32mm
                     R3 10.98mm
                     R4 11.33mm
7/26 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/27 Gonal-F subQ injection
        Ganirelix subQ injection

7/28 Follistim AQ subQ injection
        Ganirelix subQ injection

7/29 B/W & U/S

                     E2 702.3

                     LH 0.5

                     U/S RT Ovary Follicles

                     10 viable follies seen and are ready to go :)

        hCG Trigger shot given at 1900

 

7/30 A MUCH NEEDED BREAK FROM PILLS, B/W, U/S AND INJECTIONS :)

7/31 Egg Retrieval (ER)

                     14 eggs retrieved

                     13 viable

         Start Endometrin Progesterone Vaginal Insert

8/1 8 FERTILIZED EGGS were confirmed

         Start Endometrin 3 times a day, 8 hours apart

8/2 Endometrin TID

8/3 Endometrin TID 

8/4 Endometrin TID

       Phone call to confirm Embryo Transfer(ET) for following day.  Find out how many Blastocysts

       we have. Receive further instructions.

8/5 Embryo Transfer

As you can see this isn't an overnight process.  It takes time.  Everything is precisely planned out prior to even starting.  The doctors obviously tweak things if they need too.  I had to have an extra dose of FSH to make my follicles mature faster overnight and it worked :D  

Monday is only 3 days away..YIKES.... Thankfully John is able to go with me.  It is going to be amazing to look at the ultrasound screen and see the fluid containing our babies be injected into my uterus.  Between 12-14 days after the transfer we will do a BhCG test.  If it is positive we will do another one a few days later to make sure my hCG levels are continuing to increase.  It may test positive even if it doesn't take because of the hCG trigger shot.  I am still getting a positive when I take a pregnancy test.  Yes, I am taking a test every morning to see that line fade so I can hopefully see a more solid line in a few weeks :)  The line is actually almost gone :) 

Well ladies and possible gents that is what a IVF cycle looks like.  I know it is a lot to take in but we are still processing it all even now.  

Well until next time....

Egg Retrieval and Zygotes

I am going to try to make this short and sweet considering I was told to immediately leave work and go home and rest today.  I am showing signs of Hyperstimulation :(  I will be okay I just need to drinks lots of electrolytes, eat massive amounts of protein and rest.  I can so do that :)

Yesterday was the retrieval.  John did his thing and then they started on me.  Once I was under sedation the used the ultrasound wand to guide a 12 inch needle into my vagina and pierced the vaginal wall.  They guided the needle up to my ovary and aspirated my eggs.  Sounds painful right??  I'm very thankful I was knocked out for that part.  After about an hour after the procedure we left.  I was craving bacon so I had a BLT... It was so amazing then again I hadn't had for in over 15 hours so I think anything would have been good.

Today I got a glorious call from the nurse.  Here is what she said we had:
 14 Eggs Retrieved ( a HELL of a lot more than expected!!!!!!)
13 Viable Eggs (1 was no where close to being mature)
1 Non Viable Egg
AND HERE COMES THE BEST PART........
8 FERTILIZED EGGS (Zygotes)

That's right we have 8 potential babies in the lab right now.  I am so happy I've been crying on and off all day!!!  They haven't been graded yet but they said the looked great so far!!  Tomorrow they will be graded on quality and they will decide what is best for the eggs a Day 3 Transfer or a Day 5 Transfer!

We are so happy and excited!  Things got really, Really, REALLY REAL with that phone call.  Now anything can happen between now and tomorrow tot the eggs but we are hopeful all 8 will survive!  Here is a picture of what developing embryos look like from the time of fertilization to the time of transfer:

Day 0- Eggs are retrieved and sperm is introduced
Day 1- The egg is officially fertilized and it is now called a zygote!

Day 2- The zygote starts to divide and replicate. The embryos has now become a 4-cell embryo. This is the stage some embryos will be frozen at.

Day 3- It is now an 8 cell embryo

Day 4- They call this Morula. This is the stage right before blastocyst.  At this stage it is around 12-30 cells that have developed. It is at this stage that the sac around the embryo starts to disintegrate in preparation for blastocyst.

Day 5- Blastocyst stage!! This is the great day when they do the transfer. There are less than 100 cells at this point and it is almost ready to implant in the uterus lining. The cells are breaking out of the sac. Within the blastocyst there are 2 types of cells. There is an inner cell mass that will soon begin to divide rapidly and develop into the fetus. The outer mass will eventually turn into the placenta. 

Hopefully tomorrow we will get wonderful news like we did today :D  Prayers that our fertilized eggs will continue to grow like they are supposed to would be appreciated! 

Until next time.....

 

Update and Retreival

It has been VERY HECTIC around here to say the least!  Here is what has been going on:

6/26-7/14 Birth Control
7/15 Blood work and ultrasound--everything looked great
7/17 Period started
7/19-7/23 Gonal-F Injections
7/24 Blood work and ultrasound-- 2 follicles seen and everything looks great
7/24-7/25 Gonal-F Injections
7/26 Blook work and ultrasound-- 4 follicles seen.  My ovary was hiding behind my uterus and was getting caught in my intestine....yuck!  Doctor was concerned that it may stay like that until the time of retrieval.
7/26 Gonal-F Injection
7/27 Gonal-F Injection and Ganirelix Injection
7/28 Follistim Injection and Ganirelix Injection
7/29 Blood work and ultrasound-- 6-7 follicles seen and  my ovary wasn't hiding :)  After reviewing the ultrasound they confirmed I have 10 follicles ready to be retrieved!!!!  All of my hormones are where they need to be as a well :)
7/29 hCG Injection

With that said my EGG RETRIEVAL IS JULY 31!!!!!!  That's right in less than 2 days :D :D :D :D :D So, Wednesday John and I will go to Massachusetts.  He will do his stuff and then I will be put to sleep while they aspirate my follicles.  The following day I will be called and told how many follicles survived fertilization.  The doctor will then decide if a Day 3 or Day 5 Embryo Transfer will be best for us.  After the transfer we will wait 12-14 days before doing a blood pregnancy test.  We will have to do two test since I am using hCG to cause ovulation tonight.

I am so excited, nervous, scared, thankful and so many other things.  I can't believe that this time has come.  We weren't sure if we would ever get here and we did!!  Going from 4 follicles to 10 has improved my positive attitude even more :)

Without this technology we would  not be given the opportunity right now to have a baby.  While some believe we should just rely on God sometimes you have to do what you think is right at the time.  This is right for my husband and I.  My tube may eventually be cleared but it may not happen before my egg reserve is gone.

Please keep in mind while the burning question will be...Did your IVF cycle work??? we will not be announcing it to the world until we are out of the first trimester. I will be a High Risk Pregnancy and things sadly do happen that we can not control.  I do not want to announce a pregnancy and something happen.  Please respect that.  This has been a very emotional and painful journey for us.  

I will post again either after the ER or after the ET.  Please keep us in your thoughts and or prayers!

Until next time....

IVF Scheduled

I haven't updated this blog in a while.  I apologize.  Things have been very hectic around here.  I was also waiting on the right time to announce some BIG news(no sadly I am not pregnant)!!

John and I are very blessed to have such wonderful, loving, caring, kind and generous family and friends.  Due to these amazing people we have been able to pay for IVF and the medication a lot sooner than originally thought.  Everything is paid for :)  I have my IVF Protocol which is the OCP Antagonist Protocol.  Thankfully no Lupron is needed since I just came off of it.

On June 26, I started Junel Fe which is a birth control pill.  I know some are wondering why you would take BC while trying to get pregnant.  It was used to make sure I did not ovulate during last months cycle.  This past Monday I had a suppression check.  It consisted of blood work and a ultrasound.  All of my hormones were perfect and I actually had healthy follicles in my ovary :) :)  I stopped the bc later that day.  Since I was able to stop the BC and I am suppressed I was able to order my medications yesterday and they were delivered today.  I should be starting the injections and inserts this Friday.  Yes, as in 2 days...YIKES!!!! I wasn't expecting such a large box or this many items but in the end it will be worth it!  I have to admit when I opened this I got scared and overwhelmed!

 

 I will be on the following:
-Gonal-F 900IU Pen x3 (each have 4 days worth of meds)
-Ganirelix 250MCG/0.5ML x5
-hCG 10,000IU
-Endometrin Vaginal Insert x84

The Gonal-F is a Follicle Stimulating Hormone(FSH) which will regulate the growth and development of my eggs.  The Ganirelix will help prevent premature luteinizing hormone(LH) surges so I do not ovulate.  The hCG will induce the final maturation of my eggs prior to my retrieval.  The Endometrin contains the hormone Progesterone.  The Progesterone will prepare the lining of my uterine lining for implantation. 

So Friday, I start the medication and 3-4 days later I go back for more blood work and another ultrasound.  HERE IS THE BIG NEWS.....10-12 DAYS AFTER I START MY MEDICATION WE WILL DO THE RETRIEVAL!!! THAT MEANS WE COULD DO IT AS EARLY AS JULY 29.  THE TRANSFER WOULD BE 2-4 DAYS AFTER THE RETRIEVAL!  THAT'S RIGHT I COULD BE PREGNANT BY THE FIRST WEEK OF AUGUST!!!!!  I will have dates next week at my next appointment.

10-12 days after the transfer I will do a BhCG to see if I am pregnant.  Now due to the fact I will getting the hCG trigger shot I will have to do at least 2 BhCG test to ensure it is actually a pregnancy and not the medication.  If I become pregnant then I will continue a Progesterone regiment for the next 8-12 weeks to keep the uterus from contracting.  I am more prone to have a miscarriage due to past health but I will be monitored very closely.  I will be a High Risk Pregnancy.

Please know that if I become pregnant that I will NOT be announcing it to the world until after the first trimester.  I want to be at a point were I am less likely to miscarry.  I hope you all can try to understand.

Needless to say we are so blessed to be given the oppurtunity to start this adventure.  I will admit I am very excited, nervous, overwhelmed, elated, scared and a ton of other emotions.  However, I know that if it is meant to be this will work!  John and I are so grateful to have so many wonderful people that care about us and are here for us no matter what.

Well, until next time.......

Please send prayers, positive thoughts and baby vibes our way!  We are in need of them. This is a very emotional time right now not that it hasn't already been emotional.

Navigating Our Way to a Baby

 I never thought that at 24 I would be told that I needed to do IVF to have a family.  It is heartbreaking to hear that you having something like this wrong with you.  By that I mean Endometriosis, and a blocked tube.

We are finally at that road that we have waited for.  We have decided to do IVF.  We are shooting for October.  While we are OH SO VERY EXCITED, we are worried about coming up with $10,000-$12,000.  Our insurance does not cover anything for IVF.  This is a package that we are going to be doing if we can raise the rest of the money.  We are going to pay the same price for 2 transfers that some pay for one.  We are very fortunate that my doctor is able to provide this kind of package for us.  I have set up a donation page with youcaring.com.  The web address is:
https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/navigating-our-way-to-a-baby/67847
 
Feel free to share this post or the donation page information.

We need to be able to pay 75% up front before the beginning of September.  September I will start all the hormone injections, testing and everything else I have to do before the egg retrieval and sperm harvest.  In October will be the actual transfer.  I will know by the end of October if I AM PREGNANT OR NOT.  If the first cycle doesn't work then we will do the second with no additional cost. 

I have gone back and forth for weeks now on if we should do this donation page or not.  Some have told me time after time that they don't know what to say to us or what they can do to help.  Well, if your able to help our dreams come true we would be forever grateful for your contribution.  If your not able to donate that is okay.  We understand times are hard.  Just be there and be supportive.  This has been a very stressful, and emotional time not just for myself but for my husband.

Well until next time........

P.S. We appreciate all of your support, donations, thoughts, prayers, and kindness more than you will ever know!

The Climb

I made a "Infertility Playlist" in itunes so I could listen to it when I was down in the dumps with everything going on.  Recently it was playing while I was driving.  Miley Cyrus' The Climb came on.  I was listening to the lyrics and it hit me.  This song is so PERFECT for our situation and others like myself.  It says everything that we feel, think and want to say.  Let me break it down for you verse by verse: 

 

"I can almost see it That dream I am dreaming But there's a voice inside my head saying "You'll never reach it" Every step I'm taking Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking"

 ----John and I are moving forward in most aspects toward having our own family.  We have been dreaming about this for almost a year now.  Granted we knew we eventually wanted children one day, we weren't planning on having these problems.  There is a voice inside my head and words from others saying we aren't doing the right thing and that it won't work out for the best.  There has been one issue after another in this almost year long journey with infertility and 4 year battle with Endo.  My faith is shaking so is my strength, courage and commitment to this battle we are facing.

   

"But I gotta keep trying Gotta keep my head held high There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb"

----I need to be strong and positive not just for John and I, but for the others that are suffering like we are.  I can not give up.  We have come too far to just quit!  There is always going to be a "Negative Nancy", or obstacle in the way.  That is just the way it is.  Rather if its finances, surgery, thyroid problems or something else.  Some think we just want to do this and do it now.  Yes, that would be awesome but in reality it isn't going to happen over night :(  It WILL happen someday.  Remember, my biological clock is ticking a lot faster than most.  However it is about what is waiting on the other side.  This journey has pushed us apart and pulled us back together again.  This "Climb" is very hard and sometimes it is hard to continue. 

 

"The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down But no, I'm not breaking I may not know it But these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going And I, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on" 

----We are taking a risk by putting my body through all of these tests, surgeries, and treatments.  They all have deffienetly have knocked me down.  I have broken down but I Keep Calm and Chive On :P  I am going to remember how this journey has brought John and I closer, pulled us apart, our families support, our friends support and that this blog has helped women around the world.  My story has been read in over 16 countries by people from all walks of life.  I have to keep pushing forward and fight this ugly battle and know I CAN DO THIS!! 

 

"'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb, yeah! There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb, yeah! Keep on moving, keep climbing Keep the faith, baby It's all about, it's all about the climb Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa" 

----Believe me John and I will NOT give up!  We have a dream and it will come true one day.  One day we will have a beautiful family no matter how it happens.  This Climb has been a test for us.  So far we are passing.  I do not know how I would survive this without such an amazing support group. We are hoping, dreaming, keeping the faith, and saving for our "One Day".  We are not breaking <3

Until next time.... KEEP THE FAITH :)