New Year, New Journey

Yesterday, I went in for the surgery I called D-Day.  I had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy.  Our goal was to excise any endometriosis that was present, and to try a final attempt to open my fallopian tube.

There were a few small concerns with moving forward with the surgery since I was still under the weather.  However, my breathing sounded great, no fever, and my pulse was strong.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared, nervous, hopeful, and thankful.  My doctor is truly amazing and so was/is her staff.

As 2013 come to an end after so much pain, heartache, injections, pills, ultrasounds, appointments, tests, a surgery we are happy to say that my RE was able to UNBLOCK MY TUBE!!!  That's right my fallopian tube is open and is ready to go!  She cut out the blockage without having to cut my tube and pushed blue dye through it.  We had a 1% or less chance this was going to work and it did.  GOD IS GOOD!!  I am still in some pain obviously, and very nauseous.  There was minimal endometriosis and I did have several adhesions.

What's next?!?!?..... Well, I have been spotting since my period ended Sunday and plus the surgery causes bleeding.  Once the bleeding stops we are to get busy because I should be ovulating sometime between this Saturday and Monday.  That's right we will be trying to naturally conceive :)  We are beyond thankful and feel blessed!  Usually within the first 6 months after removing a blockage you will get pregnant if it's going to happen.  There is also a good chance my tube will be blocked again at some point.  As far as I know the blockage was endo and scar tissue.

The past 1.5 years has been intense.  2 IUIs, a thyroid problem, 2 surgeries, 3 HSGs, 1 IVF cycle, 1 miscarriage, 1 FET cycle that failed, 40 vaginal suppositories, 30+ injections, 15+ ultrasounds,  20+ hours driving to and from my RE's offices, and a lot of heartache.  We will be starting 2014 off in this new journey that seemed so far way in the beginning.

We appreciate all the phone calls, emails. letters/cards, texts, thoughts and prayers.  Please continue to pray that all of this works out.  We are now moving forward!

Until next time.....
-Positive thoughts and prayers that this was all worth it and that God blesses us with a pregnancy and a healthy baby.

Here are the graphic photos of the surgery, including one with the dye after it passed through my fallopian tube.

Adhesions in the pelvic wall.

Another adhesion.

Uterus, fallopian tube and ovary.

See that blue color... Thats the dye after the blockage was removed and it went through my tube :)

The $10,000 Question?!?!?

The $10,000 question has been answered by my RE.  Yesterday was the BIG day. Go to Providence, have labs drawn, go to work, wait, Wait WAIT, get the call and go to dinner.  

While at work I received the call. My doctor was very sweet, compassionate and kind when she told me the fate of my pregnancy.  God decided that he needed our little baby with him in heaven.  My pregnancy ended at 5 weeks and 2 days.  John and I both are doing.  I know once it sets in it will be difficult for both of us. It hasn't fully set in yet that we aren't going to be delivering a baby or babies in late July.  It will hit once I see John and when I start to bleed.  

Job 1:21

The Lord giveth and taketh away, blessed is the name of The Lord. 

We do not have anymore embryos left to transfer so essentially we are done trying....for now.  I go December 2nd to discuss our options and make sure my RE, John and I are on the same page.  

This journey has been so hard but it has also been a blessing.  God has a plan for us. His will will be done when it's time.  I am the mother of 4 beautiful and perfect babies in heaven. One day we will be with them.  We are not giving up but we are taking a much needed break.  Our hearts are broken and we are working through this even with the distance between us.  

We have an amazing family and wonderful friends.  Three of my best friends Jess, Tiffany and Johnsie did something unexpected for me right after I told them it didn't work.  I got a call and then a delivery.  

They got me this beautiful and delicious Ediable Arrangement. So thoughtful and loving. The card was epic!!!! 

Samantha have me a beautiful Alex an Ani bracelet and a bottle of wine.  

Samantha, Bridget and I went to dinner last night. I had a few vodka and red bulls. Yummy ;) ;). 

John and I would like to think all of our family and friends that have been supportive of this journey.  It is not over but we would appreciate everyone giving us time to grieve. While our embryos were only a few weeks old they were still lives lost that we fought for.  We love them just as much as we would if they were still here with us.  I find comfort knowing that one day we will all be together again! 

Until next time..... 

-Pray that John and I can find peace with all of this.

-Pray that we get through this difficult time. 

Frozen Embryo Transfer Completed

Today was the BIG DAY!!!

Sadly my husband was unable to attend do to his schedule but I thankfully have wonderful friends.  My friend Christy has been giving me my Progesterone injections in the behind for me.  Talk about a pain in the arse.  My butt is a giant bruise of pain but it will be worth it.

This morning my good friend Rudi and I headed to Massachusetts.  It was a nice hour and a half drive. Barely any major traffic just people that weren't even going the speed limit.  I had to drink enough water to fill my bladder up.  At about 30 ounces I thought my bladder was going to EXPLODE!  Thankfully they checked my bladder and let me use the potty for only a whooping 5 seconds.  Your bladder has to be full for Embryo Transfers.  Since they have to press down hard during the ultrasound to view the transfer your bladder shouldn't be too full.

The doctor came in and showed us the photo of the Blastocyst.  Blastocyst are graded to determine which embryos are more likely to implant into the uterus.  It is graded a 4BB.  Which means the blastocyst is expanded almost to the hatching stage.  Yes, human embryos hatch from their egg and then hopefully implant :)  The first B is the grade of the inner cell mass.  B means loosely packed, several cells.  The second B stands for the grading of the trophectoderm.  Needless to say the Embryo was of very good quality :) :) :)  The doctor gave me Valium to help me relax and so my uterus wouldn't contract.  She also gave me my info on the secret pregnancy test date :) The doctor had me lay on the table and prepare me for the transfer.  It is like a regular prep for a pap.  Only difference is that they feed a catheter through the cervix into the uterus.  Then the Embryologist comes in with the inner catheter that has the embryo(s) in it.  The doctor places it and then the Embryologist pushes the fluid and embryo into the upper uterine cavity.  The Embryologist removed the catheter and went back to the lab.  She placed in under the microscope to verify the embryo was out of the catheter.  Rudi recorded the ultrasound monitor so we can all witness a miracle and the awesomeness of a baby being placed back into the womb.

Our Blastocyst that was transferred today 

What you will see is at the top of the ultrasound is a large black area.  That is my full, about to explode bladder.  Right under that is the uterus.  You will notice a grey oval inside of the uterus.  This is part of the lining.  From the right side of the screen you will see the outer catheter.  The inner catheter is placed inside.  You will see a gush of white in the grey oval (around 1:42/1:43 of video).  That is the fluid that contains our embryo.  After you will see a pocket of air(it is small) and that is the location on the embryo.  ** You will see the gush even if you don't enlarge it.  Sorry that it is a little grainy when enlarged. 

After all of the that fun I got to lay there for 10 minutes.  Then I got to finally relieve my bladder.  AHHH!  I was starving so we went to Chipotle after.  My V-card for Chipotle has finally been taken.  Yes. Today was my first time ever going to one.  It was yummy ;)  Since I have been home I have been laying in bed relaxing and editing the ultrasound video.  

The next few days I will be relaxing and taking it easy.  Meals for the next week have already been cooked!  So I thankfully don't have to worry about that :D

Shout out to my little man Cecil who gave his mommy Rudi his panda neck pillow, " So Miss Sara can be comfortable after her appointment".  Cecil you rock and I'll never forget your kind gesture :)

So as of this minute I am considered Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not out of the woods yet.  A lot can happen between now and my blood test.  

Well until next time.........

Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming.  We greatly appreciate it!

Let's Not Ovulate

This past Saturday which was cd 8 I started having pain around my ovary.  It wasn't horrible but wasn't normal for me.  Sunday I had the same pain but it had increased and was sharp.  I had a appointment scheduled for the following morning so I figured if just wait.   

I had my third round of labs on Monday.  Te doctor was super busy so I decided to wait until she called with my results to talk about the pain.  She finally called and said my estrogen level was right where they wanted it.  It was 132.9. Yay I'm responding to my medication :)  I was instructed to increase my Estradoil dose to 6 mg a day.  I told her about my pain.  She said I shouldn't be having any pain but it is possible I could have "breakthrough" ovulation.  I usually do not ovulate on my own ever.  So this is bad timing I I'm trying too. You see I'm not supposed to ovulate at all during this cycle but sometimes some women so. She told me to keep doing my ovulation test, watch for excessive weight pain, increased pain, bleeding, chanes in cervical mucous, and fever.  If any of those changed to notify her or my nurse. 

Not even an hour after talking to te doctor I started spotting and having very fertile cm appear.  I was confused since my labs show I was no where near ovulation or being ready to be in the "fertile zone" of my cycle. I called the nurse and she told me to call back if anything got worse.  Thankfully nothing got worse.  

As of today 30OCT I am still having the pain but it hasn't gotten any worse.  The spotting is gone (fingers crossed) so we will find out this Friday 01NOV if are transfer is still a go.  If we get the green light they will also determine when to start the thaw our little embryo. 

When it comes to the transfer I will update everyone that it ha been done.  However, the photo of the embryo and video of the actual transfer will not be shared until after my husband sees it. Do to scheduling conflicts he won't be able to go.  Remember you will find out if it worked or not a few weeks after the transfer. Please respect our privacy.  

I would like to think my mom who was going to come up but has some important things she can not miss at home.  I'd like to think Rudi for being willing not only to take me to my transfer but to go back there with me.  I'd like to think Christy for being awesome and willing to do my IM injections in my gluteus maximus ;).  I'd also like to think all of our family and friends that have been so supportive, loving, caring, kind, and helpful during all of his for the past 2 years.  You all mean the world to us and words and gifts can never truly show how thankful we really are!  

Until next time......

-Pray that our embryo thaws and survives.

-Pray that the embryo implants and grows into a beautiful healthy baby.

-Pray that John and I can get through another cycle regardless of the outcome.

-Also pray for our family and close friends that are feeling pain from our struggle.

-Pray for all of those that are struggling from infertility all around the world

FET Scheduled

HERE WE GO.........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

We have our FET tentative schedule!!!!  We are so very excited to get this show on the darn road!  I was praying for a miracle last week.  My period was 6 days late.  Of course I was telling myself well maybe my tube decided to play nice and open up and I am knocked up..... Nope wrong!  I have to say though that getting my period was like Christmas.  Yes, I have been in a lot of pain and really moody but we can now start our new cycle.

Friday I went to get blood work to check my BHCG, Progesterone and Estrogen.  All came back in withing the limits they needed to be so I could start my medication.  Saturday I started my estrogen tablets.  So here is my schedule:

10/18- Period started
10/19- Start Estrogen 2mg tablets
10/24- Blood work to check hormone levels
           Increase Estrogen dosage to 4mg
10/28- Blood work to check hormone levels
            Increase Estrogen dosage to 6mg
11/01- Blood work and ultrasound
           Decrease Estrogen dosage back to 2mg
11/02- Start 25mg Progesterone IM injections
11/03- Increase Progesterone to 50mg
           Continue both Estrogen 2mg and Progesterone 50mg IM injections until BHCG results
11/08- EMBRYO TRANSFER

**Based off of my lab and ultrasound results this schedule could change to give my embryo the best environment to be in!

We are obviously hoping, and praying for a BFP but if it turns out to not work we will NOT give up!  I have decided that I we allow my RE to go in and "clean house" and then I will start all natural treatment for my blocked tube.  This will involve Traditional Chinese Medicine, self fertility massage, fertility cleansing, acupuncture, reflexology and a few other natural approaches.  It may sound like I'm being a hippie but I am tired of pumping my body full of all of these nasty chemicals.  I have been doing A LOT of research since our miscarriage on natural approaches and what has actually helped people with Endometriosis and blocked tubes.  Maybe we can unblock my tube, get me to ovulate and BAM make a baby....Wouldn't that be AMAZING?!?!?

Sure hope it's soon!

Every time I see this it makes me giggle and smile :P

 Well housework is calling my name :\

Until next time......

-Pray that our embryo thaws and survives.

-Pray that the embryo implants and grows into a beautiful healthy baby.

-Pray that John and I can get through another cycle regardless of the outcome.

-Also pray for our family and close friends that are feeling pain from our struggle.

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  It is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Wear Blue and Pin this month and support both causes!!!!

FET Coming Up

Sorry it has been a while since my last post.  I was going to update you all before now but we were waiting for results and other things.  I figured I'd just make one post about everything.

My PCM ran more test to figure out what was going on with my thyroid and and look into some new symptoms.  Good news they did not find any tumors, cancer, or any major problems.  All of my thyroid test were normal except the antibodies.  Good news though about my antibodies they have decreased significantly.  I personally think it that is due to me eating healthier and exercising.  My allergies have also been causing me some problems.  I have broken out 4 times in the last 2 months randomly and we don't know the cause.  We know it could just be from my Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.  As of now no new flare ups :)

With that said John and I have decided to continue our IVF cycle :D  So my period is supposed to be here any day now.  When AF makes her grand appearance I will start my medications!  This time I won't need most of the same medications that I needed last time thank goodness.  My medications arrived last Friday.  I will be on Estradiol 2mg tablets (Estrogen) and various milligrams of Progesterone in Sesame Oil injections.  

I have to admit i can't wait for my darn period to show up so we can start!  This picture doesn't look to intimidating as the fresh cycles medication.....Recap....

 YIKES!!! 

Once I start my medications I will have to see my doctor every 2-3 days to do ultrasounds and blood work.  Based of of these test we will know if I can up my dosage of Estradiol and also see if my uterus is ready for the transfer.  This is where my worries and fear is.....  The embryo has to be thawed.  While there is a 95% survival rate for the embryo it is still nerve racking knowing something could happen and all of this be over before we really do anything.  Emotions are running high.  Remember this is our last embryo and our last IVF cycle we will ever do!  As far as the beta pregnancy test goes, I will not be telling anyone if the cycle worked or not until I have confirmation that John knows.  Our schedules are hectic so don't expect a post 1-2 days after this cycle like the last one.  If it is positive and after John knows a few select family members and friends will be notified.  I will not confirm anything until we know if everything is okay regardless of the outcome.

If the FET is not successful I will be going under for another surgery to "clean house" and a last ditch effort to work on the tube.  This will be the 4th time that my tube will be worked on to open it.  It may or may not work.  All we can do is hope and pray for the best and that I won't need to do another surgery. 

I have to say it breaks my heart knowing right now we have a life that has been created and it is in a laboratory frozen, not growing and not with us! 

Until next time......

-Pray that our embryo thaws and survives.

-Pray that the embryo implants and grows into a beautiful healthy baby.

-Pray that John and I can get through another cycle regardless of the outcome.

-Also pray for our family and close friends that are feeling pain from our struggle.

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  It is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Wear Blue and Pin this month and support both months! 

 

Some Answers, More Waiting

I hope everyone is having a good week so far.  Since my last post I have since both my RE and OB.  It seems like they are on two different chapters and I am stuck in the chapters in between!

My RE doesn't want to treat my Hashimoto's until my TSH starts going nuts.  Even with the risk that could be involved she is waiting.  My OB thinks I should be getting treated now even if it's just for my side effects.  He isn't sure how they would approach just my antibodies being high.  He is looking into some options and is supposed to get back to me soon.   My RE tested me for Diabetes since I have a strong family history of it and it was NEGATIVE :) :) :)  Since that was negative my symptoms are pointing to PCOS.  One more hurdle for us to have a baby :( :( :(  But HEY... No Diabetes :)  I still have some more thyroid testing to do... BOO!

I started a 24 Day Challenge through Advocare.  Today is Day 8 and I'm down 6.2 pounds :)  I am so flipping excited and happy ;)

Sorry back on track.  My RE and I discussed our FET.  Apparently FETs are more successful than fresh cycles.  Something about the medications and monitoring more closely...blah, blah blah. They sent my prescriptions to a pharmacy but they didn't take Tricare at there MA office.  So they sent it to their RI office.  The Rhode Island office doesn't have a license to ship medications to Connecticut.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  It's estrogen tablets and progesterone not cocaine or heroin.  Get your damn license!!!  They were able to send my prescriptions to another pharmacy and they are able to help me thankfully!  So when my period starts next month I will call my doctor and she will tell me how much estrogen to take that day.  I'll continue that dose until my blood work and ultrasound.  That usually will be 2-3 days after day 1 of my period.  Based on the blood work and ultrasound results I should be increasing my estrogen dosage.  That cycle is continued up until the transfer.  John is super excited because 2-3 days before the transfer he gets to use a 2 inch needle to inject my medication into my butt cheek.  He is actually thrilled like he won the lottery lol.  Once I am ready to go they will thaw our embryo and get it ready to be transferred.  Once it's thawed it's the same process as a fresh cycle from there until I get home that day.  I will have to continue taking the estrogen tablets.  I may need more progesterone injections depending on what labs say.  Then we will wait 10-12 days to see if we get our precious BFP!!

Speaking of periods....this time she was 3 days late!  Imagine all the dreams and hopes of miracles I had going on in my head!!!  What a TEASE?!?!?!?!?!

I really hope this is it and this will be our time.  This is our last IVF cycle to try to have a biological baby!  A lot is riding on this.  If it takes I think you all know how we will feel :) :)  If it doesn't.....well lets not talk about that unless we have too.  It already crosses my mind so we will let that be.  

I have decided to get my 7th tattoo at some point.  It really depends on when we get a BFP.  I want to get the Infertility & Loss Awareness Ribbon on my foot.  I think I'd like to get the Endometriosis ribbon incorporated in it some how.  I am excited.  John has requested he be present for this tattoo.... Maybe I can convince him to get one while we are there :D :D 

Well....Until next time.........

What's Next For Now & Infertility Humor

Since my last post John and I have had some serious conversations on what to do next.  There is so many unanswered questions, emotions, thoughts, and of course EVERYONE has an opinion.

At this point in the infertility game this is our options: Continue with IVF and do a FET, Surrogacy and Adoption.  Non of these options are easy to think about.  We have already done a fresh IVF cycle that sadly ended in a miscarriage had a 70% chance of success.  A FET will have around a 50% success rate.  Surrogacy really isn't something we want to do but you never know what the future holds.  Adoption is expensive and has a lot of red tape.

Since the miscarriage John and I have been doing a lot of thinking and making decisions.  I decided and then talked to John that we should wait until October to do our FET.  I still have to talk to my RE on Wednesday.  Besides Endometriosis I have a disease that can cause implantation problems, miscarriages and birth defects.  It is caused Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.  It is a form of Hypothyroidism.  My TSH is perfect but my body is producing antibodies that is attacking my thyroid.  Some people with the disease can get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy once it is controlled.  Here is the problem......No one wants to freaking treat me!!!!!!!   I do not want to use our only snowbaby if we don't my health under control. 

So the main reasons we want to take a small break is:
1. Address my concern about my Hashimoto's to my RE.
2. Get my Hashimoto's under control.
3. Get testing for other auto immune diseases that run in my family.
4. Make a lifestyle change by eating healthier foods.
5. Loose some weight.
6. Start a routine exercise program.
I think those things sound pretty reasonable.  We shall see what the doctor says.

As of this moment we will be doing a FET.  This is our decision and we are sticking to it unless test results tell us we shouldn't.  If you don't like our decision keep it to yourself. 

It has been suggested to me that I should write an ebook for Amazon.  A book that would include our story, fertility issues and treatments, medication, IUI, IVF, what Tricare will and will not cover, etc.  It would be like a one resource for infertile military couples.  Of course it would have useful information for non military couples as well.  So I am slowly diving in to see what happens. 

VERY EXCITING NEWS FROM MY BROTHER AND HIS SISTER-IN-LAW.........................
I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was told two days after my BFN.  After doing some math I figured out that she conceived the same day as my transfer.  How crazy is that??  Yes it was a little hard to hear but I am so EXCITED for my brother and sister in law.  They truly deserve this.  John and I can not wait to find out if we are going to have a niece or a nephew.  April 28, 2013 needs to hurry up :) :) 

So keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we get the answers we need.  Also pray for a healthy pregnancy for my sister in law.

Until next time....... Here is some infertility humor for y'all.  Some may think it isn't appropriate but you have to laugh sometimes :P

 

Day of Hope

Today is the Day of Hope. A day where those who have lost babies and children celebrate their short but precious lives.

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/international-dates/august-19th-day-of-hope

Well today I celebrate not only the tiny life that I lost in 2009 but the two we just lost.

See 5 days after our ET we got a positive hpt. The next day the test was still positive but became very faint. I had taken test everyday since my hcg trigger. This way I would know when I could test and get a real positive. It is one of those things you want to deny you don't want to believe really happened. Who really wants to think about that our cycle was working an then something happened? Who wants to blame themselves even when they did nothing wrong?  Who wants to think about the act that there dream was coming true and suddenly it stopped being real?  I know I don't but its a harsh reality that this is what happened.  It looks like I had a chemical pregnancy. We do not know why and may never know.  I have a hunch that maybe my Hashimotos Thyroiditis may of played some kind of role in this :( 

I am now having he dreaded period and those beautiful Blastocyst are no more.  We did everything we could to give them life and they had it for a brief week and a half.  I believe life starts at conception and their life did.  For whatever reason it wasn't meant to be.  They weren't meant to stay inside of me and grow into a beautiful baby or babies.  I will never understand why this happened but I have to pick myself up and keep pushing forward!

This whole journey has been so complicated, stressful, exciting at times, depressing at other times, and all around a learning process! John and I have learned that no matter what we get ourselves into we will stand by each other.  We can get through anything.  We can still find peace, hope, and faith in our darkest moments.  We have also realized that none of this infertility stuff is our fault.  This is just the hand we were dealt.
 
So whats next?????  Due to a upcoming trip that we will not cancel we have delayed our FET.  I go the beginning of September for a followup with my RE and discuss what we need to do.  We will see what my lab results are and go from there.  The plan is to hopefully start my FET medications as soon as September's period starts.  We just have to wait and see!

Some people ask why we even out ourselves through this and why keep trying?  Well this is our choice.  When we first started this journey with Endometriosis we had NO idea it would lead us to Infertility and IVF!  We had no idea what was going on.  We tried having a baby the old fashion way and shocker... no pregnancy.  We tried IUIs and still no pregnancy.  When we found out my tube was obstructed we exhausted all of the options besides another surgery to try to fix it.  Nothing worked.  With surgery we only had maybe a 2% of fixing the entire tube.  We knew John was/is 100% fine in the fertility department.  It's just me.  I am the problem.  Okay, my lady parts are the problem not all of me.  This led us to our final option on having our own biological children.....IVF!  IVF is very expensive and isn't 100%.  Having sex doesn't have a 100% guarantee either that you will get pregnant and have a baby!  Nothing is guaranteed in this life and babies definitely aren't.  If you have been in these shoes then you know why you went through all of the tears, heartbreak, injections, tests, surgeries, and the struggle.  If you haven't been in these shoes do NOT judge us that are.  You truly have no idea what this is like. 

Things you don't say to an infertile person/couple:
1."You must not really have wanted to have a child or you would have one."
2."Just relax! It will happen!"
3. "Oh man, my husband just looks at me and I get pregnant."
4.“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to get pregnant, it just happened.” 
5. “You’re lucky you aren’t dealing with a kid that doesn’t sleep!” 
6."Think of how much money you are saving by not having a child.”
7.“Why don’t you just adopt?” 
8."Oh, you're still young.  It'll happen."
9."I wish I had that problem!"
10."There are too many people in the world anyway."
11."I think that people who have infertility treatments are selfish."
*** There are so many more!! Just remember just because you have a child doesn't mean Infertility can't happen to you!  


Until next time..............

“When the time is right, it will happen. Just have faith.” - See more at: http://www.hipsterhomemaker.com/things-you-never-say-to-a-person-struggling-with-infertility/#sthash.3QQefjC3.dpuf

“Just stop trying and it will happen!”

“Just stop trying and it will happen!”

“Just stop trying and it will happen!”

“Just stop trying and it will happen!”Until next time........

Pregnant or Not Pregnant???

Pregnant or Not Pregnant is the question many have been wondering!

Well I would first like to say that when you start a IVF cycle your so pumped and ready to go.  You only think about the positives never the what ifs.  When doing IVF you should really consider the positives and negatives so you don't get your hopes to high.  IVF is not 100% but it can make dreams come true. 

Yesterday morning at 7:50 I was inProvidence  getting my blood work done.  Waiting for the results was the hardest part of this whole process. At 2:10pm I saw the results online in my chart.  I waited for the doctor to call to confirm. She called at 2:34pm.  She confirmed that everything we hoped and prayed for wasn't so. 

Our IVF cycle FAILED and I am NOT pregnant!!  Talk about a stab right in the heart and uterus!!  I was completely broken inside. John was at work so I texted him saying the doctor had called. About 30 minutes after she called he did.  I told him and I could tell he was filled with disappointment like I was and still am. 

It hasn't completely set in yet and probably won't until my period comes.  That is now 3 days late go figure!  The next few days and weeks is truly going to be hard on us. I'm in between the upset, disappointment and angry phases right now. 

So what's next you ask? Well I simply wait for my period to come. During that time those 2 beautiful blastocyst our little ones will be flushed out of my body for forever! After my period ends we will check my hormone levels. If they are normal then we can start planning out next step which is a Frozen Embryo Transfer(FET).  This is done a little different than a fresh cycle bit hopefully it will work. We can so this as soon as September.  The chances of a IVF cycle working is really a case by case thing. This cycle we had a 60-70% chance of it working an sadly it didn't. For whatever reason neither blastocyst implant. Science doesn't have a complete understanding why this happens!! 

Here is what we've learned through this process that gives us hope:

1. With the right medications I can be stimulated to produce multiple healthy eggs. 

2. Nothing is wrong with John fertility wise which we already knew. 

3. My eggs can be fertilized. 

4. Our fertilized eggs can turn into beautiful Blastocysts. 

5. We have one snow baby or frosty that we can use. 

6. That snow baby has a 95% chance of surviving the thawing process. 

7. The snow baby has a 50% chance of implanting. 

8. WE DISNT DO ANYTHING WRONG TO CAUAE THIS NOT TO WORK!  We did everything we were told to do and did it. If I had questions I would email the nurse. 

Hope is not completely lost yet!  We hopefully have one more try. This may be out last opportunity to try IVF considering its so darn expensive!  However I don't think we will give up. 

So for now if you could keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we make it through this difficult time we would appreciate it. 

I'd like to thank our family and friends that have been there since the beginning!! Between swapping work days with John to some lovely ladies going to appointments with me we greatly appreciate all of your love and support!! I also know many reading this will not know what to say to myself or John and that is okay. Just be there. 

Until next time......

Tomorrow's the BIG Day!

Well tomorrow we will find out if our IVF cycle worked!!! I am filled with many mixed emotions. I'm excited but fearful at the same time. 

I have been bad and have been doing HPTs. They all have been negative. The one this morning was negative as well. Now anything can happen between now and tomorrow. It could just be too early to tell or not pregnant. I'm praying its just too early to tell!! Everyone's body metabolizes differently and we know I metabolize very very slowly so this could be the case. I thought I had some spotting on Friday but my mind could of been playing tricks on me. 

I've been having cramps since my ET. The cramps did start to become severe like they were before my Endo was removed in 2011.  Yesterday they were mild and so far today knock on wood I really haven't had any. 

My period is schedule to arrive today or tomorrow!! If it comes then those beautiful embryos we transferred will be flushed out and be gone for forever!  That part really makes me sad when I think about it.  I did have quite a few symptoms of pregnancy but most are now gone. My nausea though is still around in full force. 

I have been thinking both positive and negatively. I don't want to be completely heart broken tomorrow and have our dreams crushed. We do have one frozen snow baby. However that one precious embryo may not survive the thawing process and then it's all over for us!  There is a lot riding on the outcome of tomorrow blood work. 

The waiting and uncertainty is breaking me in some ways. I am off tomorrow and will spend the day cleaning and waiting for that phone call.  If the test is positive I probably will announce it sooner rather than later because I will be too excited to hold it in. If it negative I will make a post before Friday evening. Regardless our parents and siblings will be notified first.  Those few special ladies that are my rocks (y'all know who you are) will find out tomorrow night after them. The world will have to wait until we are ready to say nay or YAY! 

No matter what the lab work shows we can say we tried everything we could to have our own baby!  This has been such a hard, long, exhausting, emotional and crazy journey most will never understand. So please keep us in your thoughts and or prayers tomorrow as we find out if we will be blessed with a pregnancy that will lead to a baby or babies!!!!  

Until next time.........

Ovary Gymnastics & Update

It's been 4 days since our 5 day transfer (4dp5dt).  I've been having some cramping, sore breasts, bloating, and tired.  All normal signs for this part of the process, that is until last night.

Yesterday, started like every other day this week mild cramping which was manageable.  Then last night I started having horrible cramps.  Cramps that were as bad as the ones before my Endometriosis was removed.  It brought me to my knees then to a ball in the floor.  It didn't last too long but hurt like HELL!  Finally it went away and then came back on and off fora while.  I emailed the nurse this morning and I was told to go in for an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have a cyst rupture or having Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome.  Well, the good news is no cysts, no free fluid, no real signs internally of OHSS!  The ultrasound reviled that my ovary had been doing gymnastics and is sitting on top of my uterus!!!!  I know what your thinking...how in the world did that happen?!?!?!?!  I was thinking the same thing too.  My ovary, needless to say is a free spirit that has it's own idea of where it should be and what tit should do.  This isn't this first time it has done something whacky however this is the whackiest!!  It has been behind my uterus almost stuck to it, and caught in my intestines.  Neither one of those really caused me this much pain or really any pain.  I have scar tissue from my surgeries and adhesion's so I guess I'm "more" prone to this sort of craziness.  Tylenol doesn't help so there's no point in continuing to take it.  I can't use a heating pad, take ibuprofen or any pain meds, or really do anything about it.  My RE did say that she believes the pain is coming from the ovary just sitting on the ovary and not due to extreme uterine cramping.  She did do blood work to see if I need more hormonal support.  We will know tomorrow.   So I will live with it.

Other possibilities that could also be playing a roll in my pain is that my embryos are implanting which is our goal by doing this, or I could be PMSing because they aren't and my period will come.  If it is implanting it should be done with that today-Sunday :)  I am doing everything I can to stay positive.  It is still to early to tell...well somewhat.  Wednesday I will do my blood test.  However, I could possibly get a positive home pregnancy test (BFP) before then.  The trigger hCG shot is 100% out of my system so if I get a line then it is REAL!

We recieved our completed embryo report from the Embryologist today.  Here is everything it said and some is a recap.
14 eggs retrieved
13 mature
8 fertilized
2 embryos
1 cryopreserved (frozen for later use)
5 not suitable for cryopreservation 

We were hoping for more than 1 to be cryopreserved but we will take it.  1 is DEFINITELY better than none!!!!

The next few days will hopefully go by fast.  John is being all patient and I am well NOT!  I'm sure you all can understand why......If not I don't know what to tell ya.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and I don't know why this is happening to us.  I like to think we are good people and that we deserve a family.  We have our own home, steady income, the means to take care of a baby and so much love to give.  Maybe this is happening so I can bring awareness to people about Endometriosis or Infertility.  I am really not sure.  No matter how many people whine and complain I will continue to blog about it.  I know life isn't fair but this truly isn't fair!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and future." Jeremiah 29:11

Anyways.......So please continue to have us in your thoughts and prayers.  We have come a long way.  We are hoping and praying for the best possible outcome.  

Until next time......

Embryo Transfer

If anything doesn't make sense or is spelled wrong its because of the valium. 

Today was the BIG day!! 8 eggs were fertilized and 2 became Blastocyst sooner than expected. 5 are almost Blastocyst and sadly one is slowing down in growth and probably won't make it to the freeze. They will monitor the embryos until tomorrow. If they are good quality they will be cryopreserved and used at a later time if needed. 

We are fortunate that they have all survived this long. It goes to show that my doctors and Embryologist know what they are doing :) 

We went in wanting transfer 2. We were advised of the risk of doing 2 and decided to only transfer 1. After a evaluation of the 2 blastocyst right before we for started they decided on the original plan of transferring both was a good idea. One started to slow in growth but was still good quality.  There is a good possibility of twins!! Here are our beautiful Blastocyst that were transferred:

Aren't they beautiful???  This is what a embryo at Day 5 looks like!!!!  

I took a Valium to help relax my muscles. We sont want my uterus contracting yet. I had to drink 66 ounces of water right before this to have my bladder full. I was nervous on peeing on my doctor but I didn't :) I was so relaxed. The ultrasound machine was going and you could see all my lady business on the screen. I didn't even fill the catheter go into the cervix. Once that was done the Embryologist came in with another catheter that had the embryos in it. That was placed into the other one and then he carefully positioned the tip where they wanted it. Once positioned he pushed the fluid containing the embryos into the uterus. The ultrasound showed they placed the embryos in he right place.  It also showed the fluid containing the embryos fill up the uterus. It was absolutely amazing to see that!!!  Then he put the catheter under the microscope to ensure they made it out and they did. I laid there for 10 minutes and then got dressed. First pit stop the bathroom :D. Second pit stop was at McDonalds. 

I go in 9 days for a blood test. If its positive I have to do another test to confirm. I'll eventually be released from the RE and will be seen by a OBGYN. 

As of right now I am considered PUPO or Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!! Holy cow Batman I have embryos in me :D 

Well that all folks :) :) 

Until next time.....

IVF Cycle #1 Break Down

Some people think a IVF Cycle is easy and takes no time or no effort.... WRONG.  It is 1,000% emotional,exhausting, frustrating, and many other things.  I am not going to sit here and act like it the hardest thing that one will do in life because it isn't but it's close enough.  It takes a lot of time, pain, traveling to the doctors office (mine is over an hour away one way), pills, inserts, injections, patience and most importantly support.

I'm going to break down this cycle for you so some can see what it really takes.  It is lengthy but it is reality for some of us that this is what it takes to have a baby or babies!

Summary:
19 BC Pills
13 Injections.. 12 done in my stomach by myself or husband
7 Endometrin Inserts....77 more to do
6 DR visits for B/W
6 U/S
1 Egg Retrieval with 14 eggs :D :D :D :D
8 Fertilized Eggs :D :D :D :D
1 soon to happen Embryo Transfer
1-2 soon to happen blood  pregnancy test
Ovarian Hyserstimulation Syndrome which at this time is mild.
THIS ONLY A SMALL PORTION OF WHAT SOME HAVE TO DO!!!

Here is a complete history of our IVF Cycle #1 from start to Monday. 

IVF Cycle #1
6/19 Consult with my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE)
6/22-6/27 AF came to visit
6/24 Day 3 B/W
                   E2 29
                   FSH 9.6
                   TSH 3.10
                   Prolactin 8.0
6/26 Start Junel Fe Birth Control Pills
6/28 B/W
                   Chickenpox, Measles- Immune
                   Cystic Fibrosis
                   Ab, RBC w/ REFL Titer
                   RPR
                   HIV 1/2
                   HepB Core Ab Total
                   HCV Ab
                   HBsAG Screen
                   ALL OF THE ABOVE TEST WERE NEGATIVE OR NON REACTIVE
                   TSH 2.16
                   ABO Group O
                   Rh Factor +
7/14 Stop Junel Fe
7/15 Suppression Check via B/W & U/S
                   E2 <25.0
                   U/S RT Ovary normal values
7/17 Aunt Flo came to visit again
7/19 Gonal-F subQ injection

7/20 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/21 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/22 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/23 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/24 B/W & U/S
                    E2 173.2
                    U/S RT Ovary Follicles
                    R1 12.7mm
                    R2 8.62mm
       Gonal-F subQ injection
7/25  Gonal-F subQ injection
7/26 B/W & US
                     E2 320.7
                     LH 0.6
                     U/s RT Ovary Follicles
                     R1 13.92mm
                     R2 12.32mm
                     R3 10.98mm
                     R4 11.33mm
7/26 Gonal-F subQ injection
7/27 Gonal-F subQ injection
        Ganirelix subQ injection

7/28 Follistim AQ subQ injection
        Ganirelix subQ injection

7/29 B/W & U/S

                     E2 702.3

                     LH 0.5

                     U/S RT Ovary Follicles

                     10 viable follies seen and are ready to go :)

        hCG Trigger shot given at 1900

 

7/30 A MUCH NEEDED BREAK FROM PILLS, B/W, U/S AND INJECTIONS :)

7/31 Egg Retrieval (ER)

                     14 eggs retrieved

                     13 viable

         Start Endometrin Progesterone Vaginal Insert

8/1 8 FERTILIZED EGGS were confirmed

         Start Endometrin 3 times a day, 8 hours apart

8/2 Endometrin TID

8/3 Endometrin TID 

8/4 Endometrin TID

       Phone call to confirm Embryo Transfer(ET) for following day.  Find out how many Blastocysts

       we have. Receive further instructions.

8/5 Embryo Transfer

As you can see this isn't an overnight process.  It takes time.  Everything is precisely planned out prior to even starting.  The doctors obviously tweak things if they need too.  I had to have an extra dose of FSH to make my follicles mature faster overnight and it worked :D  

Monday is only 3 days away..YIKES.... Thankfully John is able to go with me.  It is going to be amazing to look at the ultrasound screen and see the fluid containing our babies be injected into my uterus.  Between 12-14 days after the transfer we will do a BhCG test.  If it is positive we will do another one a few days later to make sure my hCG levels are continuing to increase.  It may test positive even if it doesn't take because of the hCG trigger shot.  I am still getting a positive when I take a pregnancy test.  Yes, I am taking a test every morning to see that line fade so I can hopefully see a more solid line in a few weeks :)  The line is actually almost gone :) 

Well ladies and possible gents that is what a IVF cycle looks like.  I know it is a lot to take in but we are still processing it all even now.  

Well until next time....