http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/international-dates/august-19th-day-of-hope
Well today I celebrate not only the tiny life that I lost in 2009 but the two we just lost.
See 5 days after our ET we got a positive hpt. The next day the test was still positive but became very faint. I had taken test everyday since my hcg trigger. This way I would know when I could test and get a real positive. It is one of those things you want to deny you don't want to believe really happened. Who really wants to think about that our cycle was working an then something happened? Who wants to blame themselves even when they did nothing wrong? Who wants to think about the act that there dream was coming true and suddenly it stopped being real? I know I don't but its a harsh reality that this is what happened. It looks like I had a chemical pregnancy. We do not know why and may never know. I have a hunch that maybe my Hashimotos Thyroiditis may of played some kind of role in this :(
I am now having he dreaded period and those beautiful Blastocyst are no more. We did everything we could to give them life and they had it for a brief week and a half. I believe life starts at conception and their life did. For whatever reason it wasn't meant to be. They weren't meant to stay inside of me and grow into a beautiful baby or babies. I will never understand why this happened but I have to pick myself up and keep pushing forward!
This whole journey has been so complicated, stressful, exciting at times, depressing at other times, and all around a learning process! John and I have learned that no matter what we get ourselves into we will stand by each other. We can get through anything. We can still find peace, hope, and faith in our darkest moments. We have also realized that none of this infertility stuff is our fault. This is just the hand we were dealt.
So whats next????? Due to a upcoming trip that we will not cancel we have delayed our FET. I go the beginning of September for a followup with my RE and discuss what we need to do. We will see what my lab results are and go from there. The plan is to hopefully start my FET medications as soon as September's period starts. We just have to wait and see!
Some people ask why we even out ourselves through this and why keep trying? Well this is our choice. When we first started this journey with Endometriosis we had NO idea it would lead us to Infertility and IVF! We had no idea what was going on. We tried having a baby the old fashion way and shocker... no pregnancy. We tried IUIs and still no pregnancy. When we found out my tube was obstructed we exhausted all of the options besides another surgery to try to fix it. Nothing worked. With surgery we only had maybe a 2% of fixing the entire tube. We knew John was/is 100% fine in the fertility department. It's just me. I am the problem. Okay, my lady parts are the problem not all of me. This led us to our final option on having our own biological children.....IVF! IVF is very expensive and isn't 100%. Having sex doesn't have a 100% guarantee either that you will get pregnant and have a baby! Nothing is guaranteed in this life and babies definitely aren't. If you have been in these shoes then you know why you went through all of the tears, heartbreak, injections, tests, surgeries, and the struggle. If you haven't been in these shoes do NOT judge us that are. You truly have no idea what this is like.
Things you don't say to an infertile person/couple:
1."You must not really have wanted to have a child or you would have one."
2."Just relax! It will happen!"
3. "Oh man, my husband just looks at me and I get pregnant."
4.“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to get pregnant, it just happened.”
5. “You’re lucky you aren’t dealing with a kid that doesn’t sleep!”
6."Think of how much money you are saving by not having a child.”
7.“Why don’t you just adopt?”
8."Oh, you're still young. It'll happen."
9."I wish I had that problem!"
10."There are too many people in the world anyway."
11."I think that people who have infertility treatments are selfish."
*** There are so many more!! Just remember just because you have a child doesn't mean Infertility can't happen to you!
Until next time..............
I am now having he dreaded period and those beautiful Blastocyst are no more. We did everything we could to give them life and they had it for a brief week and a half. I believe life starts at conception and their life did. For whatever reason it wasn't meant to be. They weren't meant to stay inside of me and grow into a beautiful baby or babies. I will never understand why this happened but I have to pick myself up and keep pushing forward!
This whole journey has been so complicated, stressful, exciting at times, depressing at other times, and all around a learning process! John and I have learned that no matter what we get ourselves into we will stand by each other. We can get through anything. We can still find peace, hope, and faith in our darkest moments. We have also realized that none of this infertility stuff is our fault. This is just the hand we were dealt.
So whats next????? Due to a upcoming trip that we will not cancel we have delayed our FET. I go the beginning of September for a followup with my RE and discuss what we need to do. We will see what my lab results are and go from there. The plan is to hopefully start my FET medications as soon as September's period starts. We just have to wait and see!
Some people ask why we even out ourselves through this and why keep trying? Well this is our choice. When we first started this journey with Endometriosis we had NO idea it would lead us to Infertility and IVF! We had no idea what was going on. We tried having a baby the old fashion way and shocker... no pregnancy. We tried IUIs and still no pregnancy. When we found out my tube was obstructed we exhausted all of the options besides another surgery to try to fix it. Nothing worked. With surgery we only had maybe a 2% of fixing the entire tube. We knew John was/is 100% fine in the fertility department. It's just me. I am the problem. Okay, my lady parts are the problem not all of me. This led us to our final option on having our own biological children.....IVF! IVF is very expensive and isn't 100%. Having sex doesn't have a 100% guarantee either that you will get pregnant and have a baby! Nothing is guaranteed in this life and babies definitely aren't. If you have been in these shoes then you know why you went through all of the tears, heartbreak, injections, tests, surgeries, and the struggle. If you haven't been in these shoes do NOT judge us that are. You truly have no idea what this is like.
Things you don't say to an infertile person/couple:
1."You must not really have wanted to have a child or you would have one."
2."Just relax! It will happen!"
3. "Oh man, my husband just looks at me and I get pregnant."
4.“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to get pregnant, it just happened.”
5. “You’re lucky you aren’t dealing with a kid that doesn’t sleep!”
6."Think of how much money you are saving by not having a child.”
7.“Why don’t you just adopt?”
8."Oh, you're still young. It'll happen."
9."I wish I had that problem!"
10."There are too many people in the world anyway."
11."I think that people who have infertility treatments are selfish."
*** There are so many more!! Just remember just because you have a child doesn't mean Infertility can't happen to you!
Until next time..............
“When
the time is right, it will happen. Just have faith.” - See more at:
http://www.hipsterhomemaker.com/things-you-never-say-to-a-person-struggling-with-infertility/#sthash.3QQefjC3.dpuf
“Just stop trying and it will happen!”
“Just stop trying and it will happen!”
“Just stop trying and it will happen!”
“Just stop trying and it will happen!”Until next time........
I'm so very very sorry for your loss. I hope your FET cycles bring you take-home babies.
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