2 Months Down, Maybe a Lifetime to Go!

Since my last blog nothing has really changed except my spine now hurts everyday at some point, my knees swell, all my joints hurt, my hair continues to fall out, the mood swings are bad once again, I got sick and I feel weak.  I feel like I am one giant transplant that my body is rejecting.  My body is getting very tired.  

I feel like saying to people that say they know exactly what I'm going through even though they have no idea the MTV's TruLife statement:  "You think you know, but you have NO idea".  Unless you have had this happen to you, you honestly have no idea.  If you don't know how this feels you are so blessed to not know.  Anyways....

On April 16th which is my 23rd birthday will be the 90th day of my 90 day injection treatment.  It will be like D-Day for me I will be free but not out of the woods.  I will be so happy when my body gets back to something like normal.  Hopefully, my body will start working properly and all the side effects of the Lupron will go away.  I don't mean to be a "Negative Nancy", but I know the side effects will affect me forever. 

I keep thinking about the long term side effects of this medication and it saddens me deeply.  From Will I be able to have children of my own?  What would not being able to have children do to John and my relationship?  Will the mood swings and anger break us up?  Will this Chemotherapy drug slowly kill all of my good cells?  Will I get cancer like a lot of other Lupron patients?  Did I just ruin my life by getting this shot?  There are a lot more questions that only time will answer.  I wish doctors would give you all the information or even the pharmaceutical companies would.  I had to read a  "side effects list" from the pharmaceutical company and sign it before getting the shot.  About 3/4 of the side effects I am or have experienced were not on there or ever mentioned to me.  I looked up why health insurance doesn't cover Lupron it's because the long term side effects are so damn bad they don't want to pay for such a toxin.  I don't blame them.  I wish I knew what I know now.  I signed my life away so some pharmaceutical company could use me as a guinea pig.  It's sad but I do feel like a damn guinea pig while my doctor makes money, while my body slowly deteriorate before my eyes.  A full course of treatment is 6 months of hell.  Well, 3 months will be just long enough for me!!!!  Hell the past 2 months have been enough for me and everyone involved.  Believe me I AM NOT getting the second dose of the Lupron. 

At the end of the day all I want to be my old self again the Sara that existed before the pain began.  My relationship has suffered so much since around December 2009.  It has been a challenge, a hard thing to overcome, but we have.  I am so glad that the man I love understands even in my darkest moments.  Especially, when I know he wants to strangle me (which he would ever actually do, it is a figure of speech).  I know that one day the old Sara will be back, but it is going to take time.  I have to heal physically from my surgery back in December, the Lupron, and the side effects.  I have to heal mentally and emotionally from the stress, anxiety, depression, weight gain, and anger the Lupron has caused me.  After all of this is said and done with I hope and pray that I am endometriosis free, and back to my normal old Sara self :)

2 months, 19 days and WTF?!?

I have no idea where to begin.  I guess I should let everyone know I haven't lost my mind too terribly much since my last blog.

My pelvic pain has been flaring up more recently.  My back is popping and cracking all the way to my butt(which is an unpleasant feeling).  Hot flashes have been crazy the past few days.  Talk about mood swings galore.  Ugh I am miserable.  Not to mention I have no energy, my hair is falling out and my bones are hurting so bad.  I am having horrible migraines, my eyes hurt worse than normal and my hearing is getting worse.  

I have been doing a lot of research on Lupron, and the short and long term effects of this drug.  Well, what do you know all of the side effects were not given to me to make a better judgement on the medicine.  I am so upset with my doctor, and the pharmaceutical company for even allowing this medicine on the market.  More people have been hurt by it than helped.  This is a Chemotherapy drug and it is a very serious and toxic drug to put into your body.  I do NOT recommend anyone no matter what to take this medicine.  The FDA released a letter years ago that showed that the scientist working on Lupron falsified 80% of his documentation on the side effects and benefits of this drug.  I mean really?!?!  You are playing with people's lives here and they don't care.  They are poisoning people to make money.  I wish the next lawsuit that goes to court to ban this medication wins and no one has to ever be injected with this nasty medicine. 

Hopefully, I am not one of the many that have to deal with horrible and life threatening effects of this medication.  I know a few of you that read my blog are on this shot as well.  I recommend doing your research on this drug and what it is doing to your body.
WE ARE REALLY LIVING IN AN NIGHTMARE!!!!!!