The $10,000 Question?!?!?

The $10,000 question has been answered by my RE.  Yesterday was the BIG day. Go to Providence, have labs drawn, go to work, wait, Wait WAIT, get the call and go to dinner.  

While at work I received the call. My doctor was very sweet, compassionate and kind when she told me the fate of my pregnancy.  God decided that he needed our little baby with him in heaven.  My pregnancy ended at 5 weeks and 2 days.  John and I both are doing.  I know once it sets in it will be difficult for both of us. It hasn't fully set in yet that we aren't going to be delivering a baby or babies in late July.  It will hit once I see John and when I start to bleed.  

Job 1:21

The Lord giveth and taketh away, blessed is the name of The Lord. 

We do not have anymore embryos left to transfer so essentially we are done trying....for now.  I go December 2nd to discuss our options and make sure my RE, John and I are on the same page.  

This journey has been so hard but it has also been a blessing.  God has a plan for us. His will will be done when it's time.  I am the mother of 4 beautiful and perfect babies in heaven. One day we will be with them.  We are not giving up but we are taking a much needed break.  Our hearts are broken and we are working through this even with the distance between us.  

We have an amazing family and wonderful friends.  Three of my best friends Jess, Tiffany and Johnsie did something unexpected for me right after I told them it didn't work.  I got a call and then a delivery.  

They got me this beautiful and delicious Ediable Arrangement. So thoughtful and loving. The card was epic!!!! 

Samantha have me a beautiful Alex an Ani bracelet and a bottle of wine.  

Samantha, Bridget and I went to dinner last night. I had a few vodka and red bulls. Yummy ;) ;). 

John and I would like to think all of our family and friends that have been supportive of this journey.  It is not over but we would appreciate everyone giving us time to grieve. While our embryos were only a few weeks old they were still lives lost that we fought for.  We love them just as much as we would if they were still here with us.  I find comfort knowing that one day we will all be together again! 

Until next time..... 

-Pray that John and I can find peace with all of this.

-Pray that we get through this difficult time. 

Frozen Embryo Transfer Completed

Today was the BIG DAY!!!

Sadly my husband was unable to attend do to his schedule but I thankfully have wonderful friends.  My friend Christy has been giving me my Progesterone injections in the behind for me.  Talk about a pain in the arse.  My butt is a giant bruise of pain but it will be worth it.

This morning my good friend Rudi and I headed to Massachusetts.  It was a nice hour and a half drive. Barely any major traffic just people that weren't even going the speed limit.  I had to drink enough water to fill my bladder up.  At about 30 ounces I thought my bladder was going to EXPLODE!  Thankfully they checked my bladder and let me use the potty for only a whooping 5 seconds.  Your bladder has to be full for Embryo Transfers.  Since they have to press down hard during the ultrasound to view the transfer your bladder shouldn't be too full.

The doctor came in and showed us the photo of the Blastocyst.  Blastocyst are graded to determine which embryos are more likely to implant into the uterus.  It is graded a 4BB.  Which means the blastocyst is expanded almost to the hatching stage.  Yes, human embryos hatch from their egg and then hopefully implant :)  The first B is the grade of the inner cell mass.  B means loosely packed, several cells.  The second B stands for the grading of the trophectoderm.  Needless to say the Embryo was of very good quality :) :) :)  The doctor gave me Valium to help me relax and so my uterus wouldn't contract.  She also gave me my info on the secret pregnancy test date :) The doctor had me lay on the table and prepare me for the transfer.  It is like a regular prep for a pap.  Only difference is that they feed a catheter through the cervix into the uterus.  Then the Embryologist comes in with the inner catheter that has the embryo(s) in it.  The doctor places it and then the Embryologist pushes the fluid and embryo into the upper uterine cavity.  The Embryologist removed the catheter and went back to the lab.  She placed in under the microscope to verify the embryo was out of the catheter.  Rudi recorded the ultrasound monitor so we can all witness a miracle and the awesomeness of a baby being placed back into the womb.

Our Blastocyst that was transferred today 

What you will see is at the top of the ultrasound is a large black area.  That is my full, about to explode bladder.  Right under that is the uterus.  You will notice a grey oval inside of the uterus.  This is part of the lining.  From the right side of the screen you will see the outer catheter.  The inner catheter is placed inside.  You will see a gush of white in the grey oval (around 1:42/1:43 of video).  That is the fluid that contains our embryo.  After you will see a pocket of air(it is small) and that is the location on the embryo.  ** You will see the gush even if you don't enlarge it.  Sorry that it is a little grainy when enlarged. 

After all of the that fun I got to lay there for 10 minutes.  Then I got to finally relieve my bladder.  AHHH!  I was starving so we went to Chipotle after.  My V-card for Chipotle has finally been taken.  Yes. Today was my first time ever going to one.  It was yummy ;)  Since I have been home I have been laying in bed relaxing and editing the ultrasound video.  

The next few days I will be relaxing and taking it easy.  Meals for the next week have already been cooked!  So I thankfully don't have to worry about that :D

Shout out to my little man Cecil who gave his mommy Rudi his panda neck pillow, " So Miss Sara can be comfortable after her appointment".  Cecil you rock and I'll never forget your kind gesture :)

So as of this minute I am considered Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not out of the woods yet.  A lot can happen between now and my blood test.  

Well until next time.........

Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming.  We greatly appreciate it!